a day's end...

i was pretty worn out.
finished work later than i had planned, and headed to the grocery store.
it was just sposed to be a quick stop. pick up a few things and go.

i wandered every aisle of that store.
and i wandered it well.
i took forever in there.
i was in slow motion with much more attention on food than was needed.

it was like i was in a grocery time out.
the world stopped, i disappeared with nothing but food to think about.
and it wasn't thinking planning like 'oh i should get these ingredients to make this....'

oh no.

it was more like..........'wow.......look at that. i never saw that before.'
'mmmmm.......i bet this is interesting to cook with.'
'wow.......all these cookies and i can't figure out which ones to get.
how come with all these cookies nothing's jumping off the shelf at me?'
(i think i was in the cookie aisle the longest)

when i finally arrived home with much more food than i went to get,
i had a message waiting for me.
my girlfriend had swung by to read me a poem, i wasn't home,
she hoped i was out having grand life adventures and call when i had time.

i laughed at the 'grand life adventures' part......yeah........that would be the grocery store.

she had been working on a poem.
she had read part of it to me when we met for coffee earlier in the week.
i had cried when i heard it.

putting the groceries away, i still had hopes that i would make a nice big healthy
dinner for myself. i knew the energy was gettin' pretty darn low....but still...it'd
be a good thing to do.

maybe i'll start cooking when i call her back, i thought.
all the food in its place, i reached for the phone and called her.
and promptly sat myself down at my table and never got up to do a darn thing.

she read me her poem.
i cried again.
asked her to read it again.
i cried the second time.

and we talked.
as only two girlfriends can talk........about life......about where we were before
we came to this planet...about trying to deal with being a human.

and we needed each other.
as only two girlfriends can need each other.
we laughed and we cried and we filled each other up with love.

i hung up to go make dinner.......turned to the food....closed the cupboards
and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sat down with a book.

i was done.
i was carrying a lot inside me about my day.
stuff i'm not ready to share with anyone else.
stuff i need to hold a bit by myself.

but last nite, while i held it.......i held my girlfriend's laugh with it.
and i remembered how full life is.
how you have to hold all of it.
and how lucky i was to have such a mix to hold.