Saturday, September 24, 2011

mister noah

i remember his birth so clearly.
i can close my eyes and be back holding him as a newborn.
him and that dent in his head he met the world with.
turns out he had been leaning on my hip bone while inside me
and had a bit of a dent in his head! yeah, it did go away...but i
still tease him about it. it was quite a dent!

i had read a parenting book...about holding your baby all the time.
constant contact. i believe it was called 'the continuum concept.'
so i changed from being someone who slept on my side, to laying
flat on my back, letting my newborn sleep on top of me every nite.
he'd fall asleep to my heartbeat, i'd fall asleep to his breathing.

i remember the first nite wondering if i'd ever get the hang of it.
wasn't that hard.
turns out, i missed that little lump when he got too big.

was much harder to get the hang of missing him.

well, he's six foot four inches now. and one of the most incredible
men you'll ever meet. it's his 23rd birthday today.

when he was really tiny, sleeping on top of me, he grew.
it happens.
and then he kinda sideways slept on me.
and then he grew some more.
and he kinda slept right next to me.
and he grew some more
and some more
and some more.

and each time it was hard to get the hang of missing him.

it seems kinda like i'm in that spot again.

we're still in the same house. but only because of finances.
and i know that.
and i know that it's time for me to step way way back.
and i've been doin' that.
i've been aware of it and doin' it.

i know it's part of the job.
and i've always taken the job seriously.
so i've been doin' it.

and it feels a lot like the very first time i ever had to get the hang of missing him.
and the second time i had to get the hang of it.
and the third and the fiftieth.

wouldn't you think i'd get the hang of it by now?

i haven't.

but i tell ya, days like today, when i look back at the whole journey,
when i remember that tiny lump breathing right there while i slept,
when i remember all the stages, all the incredible beauty and love that
this guy has inside of him and how it's just burst thru him so gently all
his life - i feel so darn lucky to have this problem of getting the hang of
stepping back.

cause i got a pretty darn good up close and personal.
and what an honor it's been.

he's truly one of the most beautiful people i know.
and handing him off to the world is one of the most important things i've
ever done with my life.

the world is better for having noah in it.
if you haven't been over to see some of his own art,
check him out. 
you'll get a little feel for his soul there.

happy birthday, mister noah!
what a fine mister you've become!


AkasaWolfSong said...

I'm cryin' over beautifully you've shared this
heart message of a mother's love.

Happy Birthday Noah and Terri!!!


Merry ME said...

What a beautiful memory. Sounds like the dented head had no ill effects!

Jennifer said...

I sent my oldest son a birthday card on his 30th birthday with our first photo together and described how I felt at that moment. So I get what you wrote...and my heart, oh my be a Mom, to love a child is like nothing else. Jennifer Beautiful post - thankyou.