refocusing...

i woke up all excited for the day.
the guys and i were gonna take it, go downtown, bum around
and celebrate noah.

we have done a little celebrating here and there around the edges.
they spent the day with their dad yesterday, so when they got home,
bob and i were waiting with dessert and a few presents.

finances have forced some big time budgeting around here.
and i had been pretty bummed that i couldn't splurge on noah like i wanted
to. noah, being 23 and wonderful anyway, of course understood and didn't
care. i cared. but knew i had to be responsible so did the best i could and
hoped it'd be okay.

it was more than okay. it was wonderful.
when they landed i was so excited to see them and the energy was flowing.
bob got a lotta phone calls and would get up to get them, and the chatter
just kept goin' right on thru. it didn't pause. bob got up, left, and the voices
never missed a beat. he'd return and it all kept goin'. the phone would ring
again, and we'd repeat. it was like you couldn't stop the energy, it would dance
with whatever came its way. it felt so good. i noticed it and loved it.

this morning as i put on my shirt that says 'gratitude' i thought about last nite.
i thought about the budgeting i had to do, and i thought about it really being
okay as the big thing was bumming around today and it was gonna be so
good. i felt that rich feeling i get sometimes when i know it's not about money.
it's been awhile since i've felt that as money's been so on my mind for months
now.

but i felt it.....the rich feeling.
we're gonna go have a rich day just because it's gonna be so fun.
slipped on my favorite birthday earrings and came down to an email from
noah. he had written it in the early morning hours.......he was getting my cold
and was gonna sleep in, and we'll celebrate another day.

bam.

you'd think it was my birthday celebration.
i felt so sad.
and worse yet....i'm the one who started the darn cold.

it hit hard.
i really wanted to celebrate him.
and yeah, i know.....it's not like we can't do it another day.
yeah, i know.
i really do.

but i was bummed.

and then i thought about that rich feeling.
i thought about how much i was looking forward to this day.
and i think all of us were.
i think all of us wanted to do it.

and i thought of my wearing the word 'gratitude' on my shirt today.

how incredible that i can be so bummed that i miss a day goofin
with my sons today.
how rich am i that i have them around and willing to share time with me.

i thought about how bummed i was when i had to budget.
seriously bummed.
and how it doesn't matter.
and i forget.
it distracts me from the fact that what matters is the love.

and i know that focusing on what i'm missing today will only make
me miss today. i'll treat noah extra good. i'm immune now and will
be able to wait on him like king.

and we'll celebrate another day.
maybe all i need to hold today is the fact that they mean so much to me
and when the time is right, we're gonna go have a ball.

i'll be mature about this, refocus and concentrate on the gratitude.

but you'd better believe...there's gonna be a round two to this celebrating.
cause i want my turn to goof with these apes!!