stirrings....

this book looks exactly like you would think it would.
i've had it for -ohmygosh- i think over 25 years (???) wow.
it's got different color underlinings in it from the multiple readings i've done with it.
the cover's worn, the pages a little yellowed....
there's underlines in it, stars, even a heart sticker at one place to
remind me to read that sentence often.

(want to know what that sentence is??? -
'"So do not be afraid to investigate the worst. It only guarantees increase of soul power.")

(oh yes. oh yes.)

and even tho it's only a few pages i'm reading a day, and i've only just started again,
something's happening.

i felt it more than once.
and last nite i tried to peek at it a bit as i read.
i didn't want to scare it away by looking full at it.
cause it was good.
real good.
and the good seems to flit in fast these days and then leave.
so i wasn't taking any chances.
i was just gonna peek.

i think even if i looked full on, i'd still not really know.

it's just a 'stirring' feeling.
something's stirring.
something's waking up.

she talks about the wild woman waking up.
could it be?
not sure.

maybe it's a lotta things waking up.
maybe it's just my soul kinda starting to sit up.

it feels important.
actually, feels more than important.
feels vital.
great word, 'vital'....feels vitally important.
feels vitally mightily important.

and i haven't a clue what it is.
but i'm gonna keep reading. and i'm gonna try to make a space
for whatever's stirring to stretch and wake up and dance.

life's been a bit challenging lately.
but you know what?
i think i get lost in thinking that's what's goin' on with me.
it's life's challenges and they're wearing me down.
that's usually where i go.
thing is.....i don't think that's true.
i think something else is goin' on along with the challenge for me.
i think something fell asleep or rolled over or hid or got buried.
and i think because of that, life's challenges are getting to me in a really hard way.

but thing is.....if i've come to see that....and i'm starting to be aware of that...
and i'm starting to feel stirrings.....well.....i'm thinking that's a really really good thing.
and maybe it's not just life's a challenging time right now.
maybe......just maybe.....i'm in a growth spurt right now...
maybe it's time something woke up.

and i'm really really likin' that idea.....