well the leaves sure weren't dead outside today...
they were gorgeous.
with the wind blowin' and them just glowin' in the morning light.
i walked and i soaked it all up.
it felt so darn good.
i feel like i'm on the verge of a 'religious experience' without the religious part.
altho i'm sure god stuff is mixed in there.
yesterday i felt my insides crack open.
and i let them.
not sure i could stop it.
but i didn't even try.
and today i feel like there's this whoosh of things coming in and out of me.
out of the cracked open part.
into the cracked open part.
and i don't know what's goin' on.
but i'm watchin'.
and i'm feeling.
and i'm letting it.
and i'm loving it.
cause it doesn't involve anyone else but me.
i love that part.
i have so much struggle with my reactions to other people
or things goin' on in other people's lives.
or me and other people.
or tryin to not hold other people's pain.
or whatever about other people.
this one's all mine.
every time i look it's all mine.
and that doesn't feel lonely or scary or anything like that.
it feels so darn good and so darn right.
you know what it feels like?!
oh my gosh!
it just hit me.
how does a chrysalis work?
do they crack open?
they do, don't they?
ohmygosh......that's what it feels like.
like 'my old skin' - or 'my old being' cracked open,
and something that's been growing and changing is coming out now.
wouldn't that be the most awesome thing?
i need some time to watch this.
i need some time to let it happen.
i need some time for the goo to dry on my wings.
on my wings.
how totally cool would that be?!