Wednesday, December 7, 2011

it'a all about me.....

there's this person that hovers around the edges of my life.
mostly i like him just fine.
as long as it's the edges.
i think nice things about him and generally am grateful he's there.

thing is, he does some things that really seem selfish and thoughtless.
i see these things, and i think things like - he doesn't mean it.
or - he doesn't realize it.
or stuff like that.

and i keep goin', and i'm fine.
until the next thing comes up.
and i do the benefit of the doubt thing, shrug it off, and keep on goin'.

every now and then, when i see something else, i'll think something like
this - 'is he really a selfish pig??'

and because i don't want to believe that, i choose that he's scattered or
whatever.

this morning i had the selfish pig thought.

and it occurred to me it doesn't matter if he's scattered, forgetful,
or a selfish pig. it matters what i do with the thoughts.

it truly is all about me and my thoughts.

if i don't care, do what i gotta do to take care of what matters to me,
leave the rest behind.......then i don't need to mutter selfish pig thoughts
under my breath or come up with excuses. it just doesn't matter.

first of all i can do this because he's on the edges of my life and not right
smack in the middle.....but wouldn't it be cool to do it for anyone no
matter where they are in my life?

i do it so well with this guy...i'm gonna use him as my model for those i don't
do it so well with.....

just handle my end of the stuff, and leave it at that.
what a great concept.

2 comments:

illuminary said...

your going to have to let me know how well this works. I have a few people on my edges, who have gotten themselves into spaces and places That don't sit well with me.
I respect peoples right to screw up, make bad decisions et all. It kills me however when those choices screw up their kids. when those choices are actually them justifying the really crappy way they treat people who care about them. I have known some of them for years, and the hole they have dug is deep. and every time I have reached out a hand to help them up, I end up with my pockets picked and my heart trampled. I hated that the last time they asked me for help, I just didn't have the trust anymore. I couldn't do it. They were so shocked that I said I couldn't. Then MAd, now they are trying to manipulate .
~sigh~
When I take care of myself, in ways that protect me from other people, it always leaves me feeling shredded.

terri said...

mmmmm....that all sounds more than on the edges to me, woman. that sounds like the ADVANCED class....give me another ten years and i'll let you know what i come up with! :)
and your heart? it's so beautiful...i'm so sorry it gets that shredded feeling......