Wednesday, December 7, 2011

pass the coffee, partner....

i was thinking about this partner stuff this morning.

you'd think being married for a million years would teach you
about being a partner. but my gosh, i didn't get the lessons.
they musta been there, but i don't think i was in partner-mode.

ya know what?
it might be one of those slippery words like 'love.'
i thought i knew how to love.
of course i knew how to love.
oh man.
insert raspberry noise.

i didn't know a darn thing.

still know very little.
but know enough to know i didn't know a darn thing back then.
same with the partner stuff.
of course i was a partner.
of course i understood being a partner.
another raspberry noise please.

i tell ya, i'm JUST realizing what an incredible concept 'partner' is.

it's not just someone you're attached to.
it's not just someone you share stuff with.
or all those sweet things you can think of.
it's so much more than that.

how about it being someone who totally pushes your buttons like
no one else can and THEN you go to them to work thru that???

how about the person who when you shut down because of something
they did, you still try to open to them because you still trust them - or if
you don't trust them, you still know you can and you're reacting out of
fear, but you know you can.  THAT'S a partner.

stuff like that.
the hard hard hard stuff that you don't think you can really do.
the stuff that you have to push yourself to do because you care that much.
the stuff that ends up stretching you but you're not doin' it to be stretched,
you're doin' it because it matters to you.

the stuff that matters so much to you that you'll rip yourself open to make
it work - and then you'll find new growth.

the real honest to goodness hard life stuff.

to be honest with you, sweeping things under the rug seems much more
appealing to me. let's just not look at that, and forget that over there.

thing is, both my partner and i have been down that road, have lived
thru what that creates, and have sworn not to do that anymore. and wow,
that's a big choice to make. i had no idea what was going to happen
when i made that choice.

and now i've been with him for years and years and i realized this morning
that i'm learning the meaning of the word 'partner' as much as i'm learning
the meaning of the word 'love.'

my partner has a possible 'help the family out' trip comin' up.
at the worst possible time for me. he's already let me off the hook, telling
me i don't have to go, he's got it.

i looked over at him driving in the dark, looked back at the christmas lights
we were passing, i thought of all the stuff that happens this time of year in
our families.  'it really seems to be part of the season, doesn't it?'
'it does seem like this kinda thing is part of the deal' he answered.

i had to go home and check with the guys, see what was goin' on, and
make it work. it's all up in the air. not even sure if it's happening....but i
gave him the 'i'm in' this morning.

after i hung up, i thought about the partner stuff.
this whole thing makes me tired just thinking of it.
and this is the easy stuff, terri.
this doesn't rip you open and make you grow....
this just keeps you busy and moving fast.

being a partner is work, it's giving, it's growth....and it's an honor.
it's an honor to be this man's partner.

now pass me some coffee and let's get moving.


Cozy in Texas said...

I stopped by your blog today.

Dan McGaffin said...

Working through some of that partner stuff myself right now. It's not easy or fun sometimes. You really hit it on the head with how much easier it would be to just sweep it under the rug. But I tell myself we'll get through this and in the end it will have been worth it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?

terri said...

right, dan!! man, i use that phrase a lot! lol! and! it makes things way better in the end!~ good luck with it all!