Wednesday, January 4, 2012

dreams, visuals and walks

that dream was weird.
and icky.
filled with ghosts from my past.

but it inspired some thinking...
which inspired some visualizing...
which had me standing hand in hand with little terri.

we had chosen our life. and we stood there facing it.
and so many people who had been in my life walked up to
where we were standing and kept on going. right past us.
then they sorta fell outta that patch we were on. like they
were falling out of our lives.

one after the other.

and i pictured little terri's face. and i pictured my face.
and the tears were streaming down our faces in the visual -
and down my face for real.

i squeezed her hand. tight. then i played with it a bit.
squeezed it in some sort of beat to make her smile.

we still had each other.
and that feeling just welled up inisde of me.

and then....the coolest part of the whole thing was lifting our faces.
we lifted our faces, chins up, forward...
like we were proud of who we were and where we were goin'.
and that feeling welled up inside of me.

i took this visual out on my walk and thought more about the dream.
the dream told me i was still believing the ghosts more than myself.
that i still followed their thinking a lot.
that i still tried too hard not to make waves.
that they were still part of my life.

i've been watching that lately, and knew it.
but the dream put it in pictures that i could really hold and see.

the visual gave me something to counter it.
standing there holding little terri's hand and squeezin' it and letting
her know she didn't lose me, was really powerful this morning.

i've been missing her a bit.
she's been getting bumped around and i think went into hiding.
i'm feelin' her again, and i'm seein' the work i need to do for her.
and i'm feelin' really ready to step a little further down the path -
chin up, head held high.

it's our life. hers and mine.
time to leave the ghosts behind - once again.

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