finding that darn laughter...

so i wasn't in a good spot and i knew it.
and i knew why. i could see the whole process that led to it.
but i wasn't sure what to do with it.

so while he ran into the store, i took a little break in the car to 'tune in.'
he was great about it, goofin' with me as he left me to do my thing.

i thought of the whole 'trust, release, find the laughter' deal.

okay. i went thru them one by one.
and wondered how on earth i'd find the laughter.
isn't that funny? THAT'S the one i got stuck on???
you'd think it'd be the other BIG ones...no...it was laughter.
i just didn't feel like laughing. i just really didn't. and i wondered
if i'd pull it off.

then i thought of the 'friending myself' that i wrote here just a few
days ago.

so i tried that. i asked myself how i felt, and was just listening and
nodding to myself, when he came back.

okay. time's up...see what you can do with that.

he was asking me about it all when they pulled up behind us,
honking and messin' with us.

parking together, we all wandered in for a drink.

i was aware of finding the laughter. we talked, there was some light
laughter. but nothing that was gonna shift the mood and break open
a door inside me - until -

until -

josh got an eyelash in his eye. and it was really bothering him.
he ended up taking my used tea bag and putting it on his closed eye.
as i sipped my tea, i looked over. he had put it on his eye, scrunched it up
a bit, and turned to noah and said in his 5th grade english accent 'i say
ol' chap.'

and i have no idea why.....i just have no idea why...
but he saved me.
cause at that moment, i had taken a gulp of tea. i turned, saw him
do that and the laugh i had been looking for came bursting outta me.
along with the tea.

which happened to hit zakk who was crammed in the booth next to me.
which happened to make it all a thousand times funnier to me,
which happened to make the tears come outta my eyes cause i was
laughing so darn hard.

and the door inside me opened.
i could feel it.
i could feel the plain ol' delight in laughter.
just delight in the laughing.
nothing else.

i could touch the laughter for a moment with delight and
remember that life is just so mixed.

i really wasn't sure how i'd find that laughter this time.
and i don't even know why a tea bag on josh's eye struck me so funny.
i have no idea why...
all i know is when i felt it coming up, i totally released into it.

and i'm thinking there's a whole journey with laughter to learn about.
i just had no idea.
and i'm so ready to learn more.

it's like laughter is a whole world all in itself.
who knew?