a good catch....

wow, i'm reminded this morning of how much awareness it takes
to live fully.

man.
oh man.
oh man.

here's the darn kicker - i figure it out by watching someone else offer
only part of themselves.

wouldn't it just be nice if i could sit back and say 'man, they just
aren't gettin' it....this whole deal of truly living what you want to live.'

wouldn't that just be so much nicer than noticing that in them,
turning to look at yourself and going 'ooops.'???

suddenly, they don't matter at all anymore.
cause you see how you dropped the ball.

i see this morning how the intentions have been floating away....
slowly and quietly....but drifting off.

not enough that they're gone.
and i see it now, so that'll help.
but STILL.......

i see this - and this is something i think we all need to be so aware of -
i see myself thinking i'm doing something for a good reason, yet being
lazy about it, not being fully present, being distracted and doing it half way.

darn.
and yet.....i'm thrilled i'm seeing it.
cause i haven't slipped so far away this time and i know i can just catch
myself and turn myself around.

thing is.....it takes AWARENESS.
and i was just kinda groaning to myself that that can get tiring.
awareness is work and tiring, i whispered to myself.

thing is.....i don't think it really has to be.
i think that's something i tell my lazy self so that i can kinda give into the laze.

it hasn't been work and tiring lately.
it's been rejuvenating and the source of great laughter.
ahhh, perhaps the trickster is alive and well inside of me tryin' to turn
me to the lazy stuff.

i wonder why?

why is it so easy to slip off the awareness path? why is it so easy
to tell ourselves that's just too much work???

have no idea...but i know i do it.
and i caught myself this morning by looking at someone else.

i tell ya, anytime i look at someone else, i need to look right back at me.
cause i truly have yet to come up empty on something i could tweak in
myself.

and this is a good catch.
cause i really don't want to lose so quickly what i found so recently.

i want to keep my eyes on my intentions, live with awareness, and offer
what i offer with all that i have. at least for a few more days...