i'm happy right now.
and i want to honor that, write about it, and enjoy every second of it.
2011 was a hard year for me. even tho i got engaged!
that was such a highlight....but nothing seemed easy, doubts filled my
head a lot, and it was just plain ol' hard. finances and work ate at me
landing into the holiday season and stumbling on living with intentions
for a month really made an impact on me. i saw how those intentions
kept me focused and kept me from spinning inward in ways that aren't
good for me.
bob and i worked really hard at our relationship last year, all the way
up to the end of the year. and when the new year dawned, i felt like
we got somewhere. somewhere we needed to get. i feel a sense of relief
between us going into 2012.
and that work that we do together, inspires me to do a lot of inner work.
and somehow everything mixed together with those intentions, and
i feel like my head is in a good good spot right now. i feel relief, excitement,
i came down to work this morning. my house is goofy and just not heated well.
and any heat i manage to get goin' seems to make it's way up to the attic.
which works good for noah and zakk's work day, but leaves things
pretty chilly here where i am.
i was gifted one of those microwave scarves...it has things you microwave and put
in the neck area and some hand warmer things that i slip in my sleeves at
my wrist. i've got slippers on, leg warmers on, several layers of shirts and i
throw a warm blanket over my lap. oh yeah...and i wear fingerless gloves!
there are moments it feels warm enough to take some of that stuff off, but
i usually work from morning to nite so sooner or later the chill comes back
and the stuff finds its way back on.
this morning as i wrapped the microwave scarf around my neck and slipped
those little thingies inside my sleeves....it felt so good. and i bopped down here
to work feeling like the luckiest person alive.
and then i stopped myself. and laughed.
you can't even heat your house right, terri. you have a blanket on your chair
to stay warm....you type in gloves.....your heating bill is a ton and yet you
still are cold. nothing's better with your finances, work is still all up in the air
for you. you have no security. and yet you're going to work down in the chilliness
with joy??? really gus???
and i smiled.
cause i'm happy.
and that's where my head is.
i have my own house. and yeah, it's too hot in the summer and too cold in
the winter....but it's mine. i have a blanket and leg warmers and all kindsa cozy
things because bob gave them to me for xmas. i have someone who loves me.
i have a studio that's calling my name. i have a place that i work all day with
stuff i love. i have a pellet stove down there warming up part of it all and that
feels so good to go get next to during the day.
my head's in a good place.
i want to live and trust and love and do what matters to me and believe in that
being enough. i want to bask in the joy of working so hard thru my personal
demons last year that, at least for now, i can feel progress. i want to enjoy
having a man in my life that is a man i admire and just plain ol' like... a man who
can actually do the work with me and hang in there....
i have a family who bears with the different room temperatures of the house
and roots me on with what i'm doing.
i have everything.
and i know it today.
and i'm happy and i want to embrace that as much as i can.
i want to dance with my happiness when it shows up.
i want to celebrate its presence.
and i want to honor all that is good in my life.........
and, that just happens to be one of my intentions i've been workin' with.
how cool is that?!