treasuring the epic....

someone came thru and asked if we had a valentine for widows.
wow, did that kinda slam me in my face.
and no, we don't.
but i sure hope to create at least one this week.

i've actually thought about it a couple times..
not the card....the losing your mate stuff.
i can't imagine what it would feel like to lose my partner.
i mean, i know one way or another one of us loses one of us.
i know that.
but the thought is so hard.
living it must be incredibly painful.

and relationship stuff is so darn complex.
i've been afraid of mine from before it even started.
how weird is that?
i lose the fear, do great, then get scared again.
i'm a lot less like that little prairie dog that needs the
back door to run out of. i was certainly that when we
started. i've lost that.
but still there are times the fear sets in and i think that
maybe truly, really, i'm better off on my own.

until recently when i thought i lost my partner.
i saw what a good chance there was of me losing him.
and i think that really knocked some sense into me.

i think it took all those times where i ran to the 'i would be
better off on my own' thoughts and slammed me and showed
me what i'd be losing.

i have never worked so hard at anything in my life.
because it's not just our relationship i've been working on,
it's been a whole lotta inner growth. because unless i'm healthy,
we can't be healthy. and of course, the same goes for him.
and it's been more work than i ever coulda imagined.

yesterday when the guys landed in my living room and asked
us how our day was, i smiled and said 'epic.' we all laughed.
but i meant it.

the work we have done pays off. pays off big time.
the closeness and love can be epic between us.

epic.

no kidding.

and one day, one of us is gonna look at a valentine for a widow/widower
and understand just exactly what it's talking about.

every day there's messages that come landing on my lap or on my nose
saying 'pay attention, this is important.'

today's came in the form of a greeting card request.
we don't have each other forever.....
it's a gift.
i need to know that every single day.