Monday, February 20, 2012

a new angle

so it was kinda interesting.
the play was filled with intellectual/artistic snobbery.
and that ran thru the whole thing.
i mean that was part of the theme.

it was an awesome play. truly probably one of the best i'll ever see.
it made me think and i'm still carrying it around with me.

but i keep grinning at some of the intellectual/artistic snobs
in the audience. they had no idea how much they fit in with the
theme of the play. couldn't see themselves.

then i thought of a conversation, where someone couldn't see how
similar they were to the person being discussed.

and i remembered back to the beginning of the bone sigh days.
i swear, i wrestled so long and so hard over the concept of
'seeing myself' drove me crazy trying to see and not being
able to.

i finally gave up on it.

but you know what? this morning i'm thinking maybe i can approach it all from
a different angle.

i thought you had to see who you were. see the whole picture. see what
was truly there.

that's a tough thing to do. so many tricks inside. so many filters and
blind folds.besides the fact that we're fluid and changing all the time.

but how about seeing yourself in each moment?
THAT seems like something you can do.

are you who you want to be, when you're doin' this?
how about this over here? when you do that, are you being who you picture
yourself as?

i can actually do that.
i can see that stuff.
'oh no, i really wasn't who i thought i was there with that goin' on. look at
how i acted. but look at why i did. so this is goin' on inside of me. and it
comes out this way.'

i can do that.
i can see that.
and i can understand some of the forces that drive me to change at
different moments.

and it wasn't til this morning that i figured out this angle.
ten years in, having given up on seeing myself, i got a new angle.

it's the moments.
if you can see what 's goin' on in the moments.

and here's the kicker - to really do that, you gotta see all around you.
you gotta see what the other person is doing and why, how you react
to them, and how then they react to your reaction.

it isn't all about you. it's all about you in relation to the world.

you gotta be present, aware and open.......

easier said than done.
but looks to me like it's way way worth it.
here we go again......only this time, i got a new angle.

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