Sunday, February 19, 2012

staring

'it's up to us to make our own happiness.'

i keep thinking about this concept, and i readily admit, i'm like a darn spoiled brat.
because part of me just hates this. part of me would really rather you just
handed me my happiness.

yeah, truly.

but that's the part that's not really understanding.

the part of me that sees a little bit more, figures this truly is a great set up.

i know. i know. it's one of those darn trite sayings.
that trite little saying that i just roll my eyes at when i'm so far away from it,
or nod knowingly when it's working.

i'm doin' neither this morning.

i'm just thinking about it, kinda standing there staring at it in wonder,
part of me hating it, part of me admiring it.

i feel more centered today than i have in days.
part of that is hangin' with my guy and just bein' close to someone i trust so much.
part of that is hangin' with myself and asking myself how i'm feelin' and what i need.
part of that has been actively workin' on the 'dark parts in my heart' the last few days.
altho, i've still got a few pretty dark ones i gotta look at yet.

i'm MORE centered than i have been in days.
can't say i'm centered tho.

BUT i see that it's really about what's goin' on in my head.
and it's up to me what i let go on there.

i mean - there's no kidding about that - that's the deal.
it's up to ME what i let go on there.

sigh.

and yeah, when i can't do it alone, i need to reach out to ones i trust to
help me.

so i'm just standin' here starin' at that thought this morning.
not moving towards it. not moving away from it.
just staring.

and thinking someone actually did set up this being human deal in a pretty cool way.

4 comments:

Dan McGaffin said...

My first thought was how much work you have done to get yourself to this point over the last ten years or so. Starting your business when you only had your sons in your corner and the other stuff you were working through at that time. You'll get there Terri. =)

terri said...

thanks, dan......

Sherry said...

I've been thinking about that idea a bit lately too....and I think you've hit on the exact point I've been trying to make. yeah yeah yeah...we can only make ourselves happy. ;) but it helps sooooo much to have a person there you can truly feel safe with, to share the ideas and get feedback....
I'd go so far to say that for some people who are in a really bad place, they won't be able to make themselves happy until they find a support. But maybe that's just me being stubborn. :)

terri said...

i think it's one of those yin yangy things, sherry.....maybe that's part of making ourselves happy - finding that support. but knowing at the same time, that the support system isn't the whole answer. ya know? so i think it's both. but building our lives into things we want is part of making ourselves happy....it goes on and on in circles i think! :)