coming back

wow, i've been sick.
sicker than i have been in years and years.
got knocked way flat.

and i think it's just wild cause i really just checked out.
my brain was on coast.
my brain is rarely on coast.
so i'm kinda grinning thinking my body said, okay, we're gonna kick
it into gear here and get the girl to sit back and rest.

i haven't slept this much ever.

yesterday i started coming back to life, and so did the thoughts.
which turned me into a blubbering fool.....at every turn, i just cried.

today i'm a little stronger, well on my way, turning to the mountain of work
ahead of me, aware that i'm here to tackle it and what a blessing that is,
and absolutely okay with pacing myself.

my thoughts are scattered and not worth much to anyone else.

what's on my mind is a shift i feel inside myself.
'shifts' amaze me.
i can feel them happen, i never expect them to happen,
and i never really knew they could happen.
it's like i didn't really know there was something else to shift towards.
not sure how to explain it - except that they generally thrill me because
they're a total surprise and i know they take me to the next level.

this one feels like it's taking me deeper into my 'home' i was talking about a few
posts down. just a deeper appreciation of it, a deeper understanding of it,
and maybe just a deeper awareness that it's where i dwell now.

and i like that a lot.

as things come up i'll type them out. i'm so fuzzy headed i have a fear i'll never
really be able to be clear again. and then i laugh. i wasn't ever all that clear in
the first place! it may only add to the fun for a bit.

and that's where i am on this saturday morning.
turning back to a life that is my own with eagerness and gratitude.