sharing a thought

i finally finally talked to someone who told me my friend died in her sleep.

i can't tell ya the relief i feel.
how odd.
how totally odd that it's mattered to me.

i was worried it was some sort of violent death...car accident or
i didn't know what. and i've been tense about that the whole time.

to finally hear was some odd sense of relief.
and yeah, i know.......it doesn't matter.
but well......it did.

i got in the shower after the call and melted in the hot water.
and a thought came to me.....

i wanna do this 'be love' stuff with my life, right?
like the end goal is to be love.

well.....use this. use this to be love.
melt the two together, ter.

and no....i don't know what that means.

but this has never been a blog about answers.
always a blog about searching.

so i figure it's okay to throw out what i don't know i'm talking about.

but it got nudged by something my guy said today....
he reminded me of my goal to be love.

okay.
so how does one be love right now in sadness?

can i somehow melt the two together?

and then i remember the mystery stuff that i was thinking of this morning
(two posts down).....

i gotta meld it all together.

i'm gonna go curl in and work on melting.

but i was pretty excited with this thought.

thought i'd share......