my tree

there's this whole big long 'white tree' story with me from last year.
if you're new to the blog, or just visit here and there, you prolly have
missed it.

the basic deal is that i used a white tree image in a visualization i did
that meant a lot to me. i ended up writing a bone sigh about it.
even named the last book 'her white tree.'

it made a big impact, to say the least.

and then, not long after i worked with the visual - i mean within a couple of weeks,
i 'met' a tree that knocked my socks off. i knew it was the tree that
symbolized what i had been visualizing. and get this - it's a WHITE oak.
ya gotta love that.

it's just over the property line of some land my guy owns. so i can go visit
it whenever i want. and strangely enough, i didn't visit it again until this
weekend. the whole tick situation slows me down. you're pretty much
guaranteed to get ticks when you go. BUT i coulda visited in the winter way
easily. and i haven't. but this weekend...i found myself back with her.

i truly wonder what it is - is it an energy she holds or is it that she's just
the perfect manifestation of a powerful symbol for me? some kinda deep
archetype? or what?

i have no idea.
but what happens to me when i see her is so deep and so powerful.

i stood there just looking at her at first.
my breath was kinda taken from me.
i'd forgotten how much she touched me.
and then i sat and leaned against a tree where i could get a good view of
her. i sat, looked at her and the tears started coming.

somehow i felt like i could touch 'home.'
like some place inside of me that had so long been forgotten
was surfacing. and i could feel it and touch it.

i walked up to her. touched her. looked way way up from way
way below. she's massive. i leaned against her, closed my eyes and cried.
really cried.
let out some of the stuff i'd been holding in.
and then i slid down against her and just sat with her.

i saw these little spiders. they were the color of her bark. they didn't
scare me or bother me. i just watched them amazed at how they matched
her so well and how they lived with her.

bob walked over and looked up. 'she's a wide old woman, isn't she?'
and i smiled.
she certainly was.

as i walked away i looked back several times.
i wanted to soak her up and keep her with me for a bit.

i really really wonder what it is......
energy? symbols? the peace of an old old tree?
whatever it is, it touches me to the core.