birthday month

may first.......
birthday month.

i generally make a big fuss around here in may.
and yeah, i intend to this year as well.
altho the approach has been a bit different.

i've been sad, off, and not myself.
wasn't even sure if i wanted to do much for my birthday.
but when my almost step son dropped me an email the other day
wishing me an early happy birthday month......i thought i just gotta get into this.
even he's getting on the band wagon. i can't let that slip away.

and it's funny. it's a little like when i turned 50 last year. there's a buncha steps along the way
to getting good with the birthday.

his note was one of the many steps.

and then this morning.....timed perfectly......i had such a good time on the treadmill.
i bonded with it again.
it's been awhile since i wanted to be on it.
and this morning i didn't want to get off of it.

all the good stuff of a treadmill and music happened.
all this stuff that had been hangin' around inside of me whirled up like a big ol' sage brushy thing like
in the westerns.....i could just feel it spinning and movin' around.

i was amazed at all the stuff.
it's been in and out for about a month......but here it all collected and whooshed around for me to see.
and my eyes got big.

wow.
that's a lotta stuff.
no wonder i've been feeling like i've been feeling.

and i kept moving to the music and i kept feelin' better and i thought about my life.

how i've made it my life. and all the work that took. and how i'm here.
and how i DO want to celebrate. and how i DO want to fuss.

oh yeah.
perfect timing.

it's the start of it all today.
and it's a great excuse to play.

play.
i haven't done that in awhile either......

it's definitely time.