it was pouring so hard it woke me up.
the first time i thought of leaks in the roof and really hoped
there weren't any.
the second time i figured it'd be a good morning to skip the walk
and just do the treadmill.
and the third time i knew it was time to get up and i just lay there
and listened deciding that was the best way to start the day.
there's nothing like that sound.
as i made my bed and listened to it just pouring,
i could feel the tug.
ahhhh i'm not THAT old yet.
cause i DO want to get out in it.
i could feel that tug tugging harder.
'faster.' it whispered.
'you don't want to miss this, hurry!'
the same tug i had as a kid.
it's still there.
and so i scooted out.
it wasn't pouring hard....but it wasn't just spitting either.
it was raining.
a decent amount.
i knew this was a walk to my 'goodmorningworld' spot morning.
i thought of all the safety factors, figured any thugs would be tucked inside,
and decided i needed to go.
as i walked i could feel myself opening up.
i was trying to feel what exactly was happening.
it was like i was cracking open sorta.
i could feel the wind come by and i just cracked wide open so it could
blow right thru me.
and i felt it do that.
and that's when it started.
i lost myself in the rain.
i couldn't tell where my soul left off and the sky started.
i couldn't tell what were my tears and what were the sky's tears.
and when i figured that out, i cried all the harder.
and then i realized my tears were a little bit warmer.
by now i was fully under the trees up at the top of the street.
and the rain was pounding down on the leaves all around me.
and the sound.......oh the sound.
it drowned out my heartbeat and became what filled me.
it was so loud and so alive.
my feet were soaked. i had given up staying out of the puddles
and just walked thru the streams of water that were everywhere.
i could feel the water in my shoes.
feel my wet feet just soakin' in the glorious feeling of the chilly water.
i lost myself in that rain.
and as i came back down the street, out of the woods,
everything was so much quieter.
'it's like i'm coming down from the mountain after a spiritual experience.'
i had to laugh at that thought.
this is definitely a suburban take on that.....but there was something of it
truly happening inside me.
it was the least alone i've felt in ages.
i could touch my depths and remember.
i was part of something else.
and it was deep inside me.....part of me.
'the other doesn't matter' kinda echoed inside me.
release it. release them.
and just be.
i walked in my front door.
zakk was in the living room.
he looked at my soaked self and asked how it was out there.
dripping, i smiled and said 'i wish it was wetter, but it was great.'
and i laughed at myself.
i guess it was wet enough.
it sure was deep enough and loud enough and gentle enough
and soothing enough.
i hope i never lose the tug to go out in the rain.
cause my soul seems to really need to get cleansed that way sometimes.