Monday, May 28, 2012

memorial day

i've been struggling with some emotions the last few days.
the easiest way to put it is i've been feeling mad at the world.
for various reasons.

i've worked with the feelings and come to a place where i'm feeling
more positive. and the anger i can see is just a control thing.
i'd just like to run the world sometimes, ya know?
but nah, i really wouldn't.

and i tell ya, memorial day fits right into it all.

i don't like memorial day.

now, don't get me wrong....i think there absolutely should be a memorial day.
and i think it should be one of our most important holidays.
i just don't like a lot of what i see take place for the day.

i was driving thinking about it.
thinking that i was just tired of death.
just tired of death and dying.
and that's just every day death.
throw in war.....and it's just overwhelming.
throw in all the casualties that happen around war -
and the list of losses goes on and on and on.
and when you REALLY think of it....when you REALLY hold it,
it's hard to stand up again. so we don't do that very often.

i've been listening to my neighbors drink and play horseshoes all weekend.
last nite they were really going. it didn't used to bother me. i used to like
hearing the clink of the horseshoes.

lately tho, there's been cops involved and things have gotten ugly at times.
so now, when i hear them rollin' as hard as they were rollin' last nite,
i wonder what kinda nite it's gonna be in the neighborhood. and i don't
like it anymore.

and i think of the weekend....and what today's about........
and i'm sure that more than one person next door has been touched by
the losses of war. i'm sure they all honor our soldiers. i'm sure they feel
very similar feelings as me about the dying.

we all honor differently, don't we? we all remember differently. we all
live differently.

and on a good day, when we're trying to figure out the positives of war,
that would be on the top of our list - freedom.
dying for freedom.
freedom to be different.

i've spent a good part of this weekend struggling with all kindsa differences
i'm feeling with the world. and of all things - feeling angry.

it's not like i never get angry. but it's not one of my default emotions. and
here it was, runnin' around inside of me.

anger.
impatience.
lack of tolerance.

ahhhhhh the stuff wars are made of.........

what interesting timing. how amazing is that?

maybe what goes on inside of us is just a microcosm of the world.
and maybe today, for my own way of honoring memorial day, i can finish
(i've already started) turning those emotions around into something positive.

because one thing i know......the world doesn't need any more anger,
impatience or lack of tolerance.

a whole whole lot of people have died for peace.

it seems like the least i could do is offer peace to my world.
and in my own way, which i need to remember doesn't need to be any one else's,
i can hold the pain of those loses, and the sorrow of those losses.......
along with the deep deep sorrow of war.

may it be a memorial day filled with a little bit more peace.......


1 comment:

☼Illuminary☼ said...

peace...
holding it
longing for it
being it..
yep