one of those holy days....

i keep noticing the word 'listen'.....
and i keep thinking 'yeah, i want to listen better.'
cause that is such an awesome thing to do.

and i never even thought of putting that on myself.

until after i did it.

and then i realized - it's a great idea!

yesterday was my 'be gentle with yourself' day.
and i guess thru that i figured out that really listening
is part of being gentle.

go figure.
i never really put that together.
but i think it might really be true.
that's kinda a cool thought, isn't it?
maybe it's obvious to everyone else.
i just never thought about it before.

so instead of guzzling coffee and whipping myself to do more,
i drank a lotta water, had some tea for the pick me ups,
and paid attention to what was goin' on inside of me.

i ended up listening far better than i usually do.
and i got all my work done at the same time!

there were some pretty incredible moments thru this day of
paying attention and listening.

and i guess when you're trying to do that something you're
not trying to do is 'control.' and maybe that's what opens
the door to magic.

someone shared his heart with me in his writing.
i put my feet up on my desk, leaned back, and read.
i realized i was holding his heart.
i paid attention and just felt that.
it felt holy to me.
and i didn't want to do anything other than watch and feel.

later there was some correspondence about my friend who
recently died and how her son was doing.
stuff that makes my heart break.
stuff that makes me crazy and want to do something.
but i didn't go there.

i turned on the music that to me is music to let your heart break open,
turned it up loud, and filled orders while i let my heart just crack in two.

i didn't try to stop it. i didn't try to control it. i just listened to it.

and then a girlfriend sent me a gift that reminded me i wasn't alone,
and that i was loved.

i cried and again........just  listened to the echoes inside of me and
what parts of me were responding to the different parts of the gift.
i could see so much by just listening.

looking back on the day, it feels like a holy day.
it feels like those moments i just described were moments where there
was more than me.

the thing about all those moments.........there was some pretty deep
sadness in all of them......but that was okay.

it was part of the dance.
and it all just was.
in a really cool way.