a little lens cleaner

an anger streak here.
an anger streak there.
here an anger streak.
there an anger streak.
everywhere an anger streak.

have you noticed?

my gosh.
there's a lotta anger out there.

i've been noticing.

and along with it i've been noticing things like people being really
angry and rude and being totally okay with that.

hmmmmm......

it used to be that i'd kinda try to smooth everything out.
make everyone okay.
soothe the angry one and be really gentle.

hmmmmmmm........

don't do that so much anymore.

i still manage to see the pain the people must be in.
and when i don't, one of my sons reminds me.
as he did yesterday when i told him a story about an angry person
and he said 'can you imagine what it's like to live her life?'

someone raised that guy right.
i love he went there and thought about that.

i thought about it on the treadmill this morning.
i thought about all the people i've seen the anger streaks in lately.
and how i wouldn't trade for a moment to have their lives.

it's one of those complicated things - where the anger and the less
than pleasant lives all mix together and you don't know what's causing
what.

i know a lot of hurt and a lot of protective walls can cause it.

i grinned as i remembered a moment with bob -
i was having a hard time with some stuff in my life and i wasn't coping
real well.

i had dropped him off at a store, told him i'd wait in the parking lot.
i leaned back the seat and put on some music that was just speakin' to
my soul.

he came back to the car, heard the music and said 'okay, we need to talk.
you're in sweats. i've never seen you in sweats. and you're out here listening
to angry music. what's goin' on??'

i laughed remembering that.
i needed the angry music for my hurt at that point.
and the sweats....well they just felt good. but it's really funny that they
sent a warning signal to him!

i just hurt and wanted to be angry.

so again, i thought of the people who seem really angry to me.
and i thought of the hurts and the protective walls.

and yeah, it all makes sense.
it does.

but you know what?
it's a darn shame.
when you take anger and don't let it go......when you hang on to it and make it
a way of life.......what's the point??

i remember reading that anger is a great tool.
and i believe it is.
i've used it and it can do wonders in propelling you forward.
but i also read that you can't hold on to it too long.....
cause then it's not a tool anymore....
it's something that can ruin your life.

i'm watching it really hurt some lives right now.
i've been watching it.

i think there comes a time where you just gotta say 'is this doin' me
any good??'

but for some crazy reason something seems to be hooked with the anger -
denial?
skewed seeing?
not sure what the word is......

but the ones with the anger streaks that seem to have taken on a big chunk
of their lives -
they don't seem to have a clue that it's happening.

they'd nod and think of someone else when they read this.

and THAT part is what's got my attention this morning.
cause we all do that about stuff.
we all do that all the time.

i need to keep some distance from the anger right now.
it's just not doin' much good for me.
and i'm fine with that.

but i want to learn something from those carrying it around so strongly.
i want to learn to focus in and see better......i want to learn to be more
self aware. i want to learn which things i'm turning a blind eye to.

i really do.
i think i've got some stuff i can find pretty easily too.

think i'm gonna go grab some lens cleaner and a cloth....
i've got some work to do.....