one step at a time

it's been one of those mornings.
no wait.
it's the afternoon.
one of those days???

just finally getting to the blog...

but it was one of the conversations i've had today that inspires
this post.

talking to a friend who's got a job where she's perceived as oh....
who knows.....'spiritually advanced' or 'a healer' or a guide or
a teacher or whatever......one of those things that puts pressure
on your image/actions.

one where she's expected to forgive easily and have a pure heart.

laughin' here.

good luck with that, huh?

and one of her hurts is from someone deliberately trying to hurt her.
over and over again.

oh yeah, go ahead and forgive quickly and be pure of heart.
you're spiritually advanced. go for it, girl.

so we talked.
and laughed.
and groaned.

and talked about how that forgiveness stuff was all good and eventually 
we hoped to get there with some stuff but that a good place to start
was seein' that all the negative energy, wallowing, swirling, angry thoughts,
all that stuff drained us and took away from the life we wanted to live.

and that was enough for us to work on us.
that was enough for us to work harder at the life we wanted.
and that was enough to redirect us.

she commented how it was more like a first step in the process.
that when you skipped that kinda thing and tried to go straight to the love
and light, it was way easy to get stuck and not make it.

i laughed.
oh yeah.

i totally think forgiveness is the way to go.
for us.
not for 'them.'
but, for me, i can't just hop the hurdles and land in the grand land
of forgiveness...i gotta start with easier things like refocusing and
workin' hard on the life i want to live.

which, yeah, includes forgiveness.
just gettin' there in my own way in my own steps.
refocusing.
and refocusing.
and refocusing again.