Wednesday, July 4, 2012

something i could easily miss.....

big ol' sigh here.

it was time to pull out m. scott peck's 'the road less traveled'
once again.

there are a handful of books that are 'return to' books for me
in times of need. this is one of 'em.

i kept thinking 'i need to pull that book off the shelf' but haven't.

until now.
i couldn't wait any longer.
i needed to reread some of his words.
in particular, i needed to go reread his definition of love.

he has the most helpful section on love that i've ever read anywhere.
i actually used it in our homeschooling curriculum. each of my sons
has been introduced to this man's thoughts on love. i wish the whole
world could be. and then re-introduced on an annual basis.

after a disclaimer that there's no real defining love, he gives his best
to explain generally what he thinks it is. and i find his definition something
to pay attention to.

he defines love as this - 'The will to extend one's self for the purpose of
nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.'

and then he goes on to explain that.
but i'm gonna just leave that sentence there. just like that.
it's an awfully huge concept.

let's check it out again -


The will to extend one's self for the purpose of
nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.


and i don't think we know how huge this is by just reading the line.
it's when you start applying it to your relationships that it truly can knock
you over.

last nite was one of the biggest examples for me of mister m. scott's definition.
it was one of those moments you have with someone you love.
a repeat not so great moment that hits stuff deep inside.
the repeat part, the not so great part, the hitting deep stuff inside part...
those parts can really really be difficult.

a few remarkable things stand out for me about it.

first of all....i untangled it.
this amazes me.
it's deep and complicated and really difficult for me.
one of the most challenging hurdles for me.
and i've finally gotten to the point where i could untangle it and see
what's going on.

that's no small feat and i'm pretty tickled with that.

then...i could explain it to my partner.
another really difficult task.
truly.
i mean, really - who wants to bring it to the person who feels like
the source of the whole deal in the first place??? the amount of
trust that takes is phenomenal. and that isn't lost on me.
we've worked hard on this one......it's one we've built up to, 
and one that my partner gets a ton of credit for.
he listened and heard and was completely open about it.

and then....he threw in about a thousand more layers of complications
that he knew of with his own stuff.

and we marveled at how complicated and layered it all was.
even that was pretty amazing. just kinda sittin' back and looking at
this heap of complicated threads and sayin' 'wow......' together.

and then this......none of it was fun. there were parts that were really really hard,
parts that didn't feel good.....but the over all feeling is one of amazement here
this morning. cause what we really truly were doing was workin' on our growth.
as individuals and as a couple.

i haven't been really diggin' this 'work patch' we've been in lately.
both of us are ready for it to pass on by. but i think, looking back thru it,
sifting thru moments just like last nite and thinking about what we're doing
with them....i think we're actually living love.

and this is seems like a really important thought to put out there.
cause seriously, it's hard to remember sometimes.

and for me to discount what's goin' on with my partner and i right now
because it's not fun would be such a shame. cause i think what's goin' on
is some major touching of what love is really all about.

and yeah, i could easily miss that sometimes. so i thought i'd throw it out
here in case someone else could too.

3 comments:

Amy Sullivan said...

~me husband & I have been doing this same dance.~ we, in our early 50's are suddenly noticing that we are different, than we were, we have changed.~ and we have even felt uncomfortable around each other.~it's very odd & surprising.~but, we too are finally talking & understanding.~ we do know we will always be in love.~

Jymi said...

living love... I needed that. You move me lady!

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

Once again, I am in total awe of you, my dear. To put something so personal, so deeply personal like that out there, just in case it could help someone else out... wow. There are just no words to describe how special that is, and how much good it does to those of us who are fortunate enough to have you on their path. Bowing down to you tonight... for all that you are and all that you do to make this world a brighter, better place for all those you touch. (I still owe you an e-mail, I know... it's coming!) Sending you love