treadmill therapy

okay, this is weird.
it's gonna look like an ad for a tarot reading place.
IT'S NOT!! i don't know that place at all and don't recommend it, okay??
it's just the best youtube thing i could find with the song i'm about to talk about.
jeesh. so close your eyes if you go listen to the song......don't distract yourself
with reading the tarot ad, okay??? it just sounded the best and i wanted to share
the song........it's so silly that's the best i could find...but what the heck.....

now the story......

treadmill therapy.
i HIGHLY recommend it.

in the post below i talked of figuring out i needed to forgive someone(s) and
also myself. i got on the treadmill to give that some thought.

 well i wasn't 15 minutes into it all when i truly had to stop myself from just weeping.

i saw it was me i needed to forgive.

it was so so me.

i've witnessed abuse and wasn't able to stop it and i wasn't able to help
and i wasn't able to fix everything to make it better. the results are haunting me.

and as i touched into those feelings, the depth of despair over that just poured out of me.

i saw it and didn't know how i'd stay on the treadmill.
i stayed on and then tried to just accept my feelings.
as i was working thru all this a song came on.

..........the tarot reading ad song i'm gonna share with you here.
it's a song i've mentioned before. melissa etheridge's song 'giant.'........

and i swear this whole big transformation started happening inside of me.

this song has always been powerful for me. i've always thought of it as my calling all
of my different parts of myself together to face a threat and stand up to it.

today the threat of the song in my mind was abuse and evil personified.
that was what was trying to hold me down - the horrid parts of life...
the abuse i can't stop......the things i can't fix. and it so has been holding me down.

and in the song she sings out so strong that she's a giant and will not be kept down.
and i started singing to the horrid parts of life.....i ran and i sang and i cried and
i felt it so deep inside of me. i will not let it keep me down.

i replayed the song. i wasn't done yet. i needed it again.

and then i thought of the colorado shootings........and the horrid parts of life
that i had personified for the song grew to include so much evil....the evil and darkness of life.....
and the person singing the song turned into me and you and all of us with light
inside shouting back that we won't let this keep our light down.

and all this incredible sadness and sorrow inside of me turned into determination
and strength.......it was such an amazing powerful moment. i have no idea how
to convey the depths of it.

i found a vid of her singing it which had great quality, but it didn't include the whole song...
so it's gotta be the tarot ad!! if you have the time, sit back and listen, think of standing
up to the darkness of the world and shining your light and taking your power back. i feel
like i really needed to do that. we're all giants. and together with our light....it's something
to behold!


here's the song and unfortunately the ad (just close your eyes)