first round with the webbing

i had my first chance to work with 'the webbing.'
(if that makes no sense, check out  a blog i wrote  a few posts down.}

i wondered how i'd do. when it would happen and how would i know....

and here it was.

something was going on and i was feeling uncomfortable.
tight. wanting to close. squirming kinda.

so i stopped myself.
what's up, ms. ter? what are you reacting to? why are you feeling like this??

and bam!
the answer hit me.
(maybe all we have to do is ask??? and maybe we'll know???)

and i knew some of my buttons from the past were being pushed.

ohmygosh.
this is the webbing, i told myself.

this is your chance.

can you do it? can you separate it?

and so i figured out what was the webbing......what were the things
that were making me squirm and why. and i could clearly see the webbing.

now.
what's really goin' on? i asked myself.

not what it feels like at all.
i knew that.
i could see that.

so respond to what's really going on, lady.

and i did!
i actually, truly, honestly did!!!!

and the webbing fell to the ground.

now.
nothing's ever that easy in my world.
if you're gonna get practice, you're gonna get some real practice.

so i did good.
inside i was rejoicing like you wouldn't believe.
ha! i've found a life changer! this is going to change my whole life!
ha! i was feeling so good.

and it was really good for ohhhhhhhhh about half an hour.

and then........again...........stuff that was making me uncomfortable.
huh???

wait a minute.
i did it. i'm done. everything's sposed to be smooth now.

nope.

uncomfortable.

okay.
look at it, ter.
look at it.
is it more webbing????

and so i looked.

and get this!
it WASN'T!

it wasn't buttons.
it wasn't past stuff that was really going on.

it was stuff that wasn't okay.
just because it wasn't okay.
no history, no threads.
just not okay stuff that needs pointing out.

hard in its own way, because i have to stop and say 'hey, this isn't okay.'
never an easy thing for me to do.
but having looked and seen it's not my own personal stuff gettin' in the way,
it was easier.

and so i said it wasn't okay. explained why.
and the person totally agreed and understood and stopped.

and THEN things got smooth.

wow.

i know this is going to take a lifetime of practice.
i know i won't get it down how i really really want to.
but my first spin with it?
rocked!
totally totally rocked!

and i do believe this is stuff that is going to change my life for the better.
for the way way better.