Thursday, August 30, 2012

venting isn't seeing

i'm noticing this more and more and i'm getting pretty excited about it.

and it's funny, it's not just the theory i'm excited's the fact that
i'm really believing it that's a thrill as well. the only way i think i coulda
ever gotten here is with that darn stinkin' inner work i've done. and that
ALWAYS gives me a tickle cause it tells me the struggles are worth it.

the struggles are worth it and we really are growing!

a friend needed an ear. she's a pretty darn strong woman, and really
just needed a processing partner. so we talked. and i listened. and after
awhile i grinned.

this was a no brainer. it was easy. and yet she was muddled. and i laughed.

yeah, i can be the biggest pain of a processing partner there is.

so if the problem was a no brainer, why wasn't she getting it?
that's what i was curious about.

the details only mattered in that they painted a picture where i could
see where some of her strongest reactions were. i could see what she
was bringing to me in the first place. the things uppermost in her mind.
the parts of them she emphasized. i could see what mattered to her
and which parts bothered her.

and some hazy kinda feelings came in for me and i brought them to her.
'i'm not really clear on this, but it feels kinda like this.......does that feel
right to you?'

and it'd bring it to the bigger picture and she could fill in all the blanks
that i couldn't.and it would refocus her to the bigger picture.

and as we looked at the bigger picture there was some of those
ohhhhhhhhh moments. ohhhhhhhhh look at this. ohhhhh this ties in with this.

those kinda moments.
which are always awesome moments.

but she's human and she needed to vent.
no problem.
we need to.

but i can see so clearly that none of the details matter.
the only reason they help is to show us what's really going on in the larger deal.

venting is venting.
but it's not seeing.

and i'm pretty darn excited about this.

it reminds me of another conversation with another friend where she kept
going back to the details.

and venting.

we want to dwell there.
we want to hash thru them and rehash thru them and go over them
one last time. and wait...what about this??

that's what we do.
we all do it.

with my own darn stuff, i do that all the time.
all the time.
but what i've taught myself to do over the years is to drag myself back
to a certain spot.
over and over cause i leave that spot at the drop of a hat.
and go back to venting.
over and over i gotta drag myself back to a certain spot.
the spot of looking at what's REALLY bothering me.
not the stupid details.
what am i really reacting to?
why is my reaction so strong?
what does it trigger inside of me?
what do i do with this reaction and why?
am i seeing clearly or am i living in some kinda pattern or reaction
to old stuff?

over and over and over again.

and truly, it feels like dragging myself back to that spot.

cause i wanna just focus on what 'they' did........and how 'they'
are bugging me.

and i just wanna vent.

and that just isn't where the gold is.

and what i love about it is it has that yin yangy feeling that thrills me.
the stuff where you need the opposites......

it's the small details that give you the clues, but it's the looking at it from
the big picture view that gives you the awareness of what's goin' on.

the idea's to grow, right?
to drop the stuff that blocks us up and ties us in knots
and to open ourselves to a spot of love.
that's kinda what i figure, anyway.

all this stuff does that for us.
and yeah, it's easy to see when it's not mine!

kinda gives a whole new meaning to 'the devil's in the details'....
i can't let the details stop me from seeing the bigger picture.
i can't let the details distract me from the places i need to look
and that can help me grow.

at the end of the conversation, i laughed and called the person my friend
was struggling with 'her angel'.....cause she was helping her see stuff.

there's angels all around us....and yeah, a lotta times i just wanna punch
them in the face.

but there is gold in these darn struggles.
if only i can remember that!!~!!


Susie Keeth said...

Sometimes we do just have to vent so we don't blow a gasket. And it seems like it's all of the little details that find their way to the top first, where they find an escape.... but once those little pieces are out.... maybe that's when you can see more clearly the big issue that was buried below. And all of the angels and bystanders best step back a few feet when that big block blows. That's when I need to remember to go back and apologize for the spray that has left a mess on those angel's wings and the bystander's shoulders. Thanks Ter for reminding me that I need to hand out rain ponchos just before the explosion. And for being there to wipe down the residue so that seeing can begin.

Sherry said...

I love the idea of wanting to punch the angel in the face....just makes me laugh. But I think you hit on something very critical in this blog, Terri....and now I have to go work on this.... ;p