workin' with it this morning....

so, okay........it really seems like it's been 2012 the year of challenges.

say that in a deep voice.....try it again.....in your deepest voice -

2012 THE YEAR OF CHALLENGES

sigh.

well, i guess i'm still hoping it'll be 2012 the HALF year of challenges
and turn itself right around. but i'm thinking we've passed the half way point,
haven't we???

yet another sigh.

i woke up this morning feelin' pretty cruddy about something that popped up.
cruddy enough it required a call to my guy at work. i don't usually do that.
his schedule is packed and i don't like to make him stop for stuff that can wait.
so the fact that i called meant i wasn't dealin' so well.

he gave me plenty of time and talked me thru stuff, and i so appreciated it.
but apparently, there are times when it doesn't matter what people say,
it's one of those 'coming from within' things you gotta find.

and i wasn't finding it.

but lately i've taken to turning to this angel card thing i have.
and yeah, i know.......
is she kidding????
i'm laughing here.
no.
i'm not kidding.
these have been wonderful for me lately.

the book that accompanies the deck of cards is written really beautifully.
a friend gave me these a few years back. i believe her friend is the creator
of the pack and book.

i had remembered that they always seemed to hit right when i pulled a card,
so last week, in the middle of feeling like i was sinking, i pulled them out again.
and the card i pulled hit so right, i've been doing them every day since.

they seem to hit the 'within' buttons for me and get my own juices rolling.
and they did that yet again.

challenges, and change and growth came up thru it all.

oh yeah. i nodded.
oh yeah.

but see.......what happened was before i picked up that deck i knew all that.

i knew all that and was tired of it all.
i mean one can get weary, ya know???

but when i put down the deck i wasn't so tired of it all.
i got inspired yet again.

and i understood......even if it's just for a few moments here.......
that this is all good stuff.
the challenges and change and growth....it's all good stuff.

i thought of my friend who wrote yesterday saying he had to examine
why he resisted change so much. i wrote him back tellin' him i was
no big fan myself.

because it takes work, darn it. and it's not like we really see the big
shiny prize at the end. we just kinda try to hold on to some general
vague 'it's good for us' thing......

but it's not as vague as we think it is.

last nite i had to proof read one of the poetry books i put together years ago
(we're making it into an e-book!!) so i sat and read every poem in there.
and i was stunned at all the inner work i've done over the years.
wow. each page brought back what i was working on and going thru........

sitting back when i was all done, i could see how far i've traveled.

it's not a vague 'it's good for us' thing.......
just sit back and look at how far you've come and how much you've grown.
it's one heck of a shiny prize right there.
and there's more and more of those prizes.

and this is the way to get there.
and when you're sittin' in a whole whoppin' sea of growth and change
and challenges......well, it's gonna be a lot easier if you work with it instead
of against it.

so today - at least for today - i'm working with it.
and i'm believer - it's all taking me to where i want to go.