every now and then it happens.
i hit my limit with people and lose that tolerance level you gotta have
to get by in the world.
i noticed it when i rolled my eyes in disgust over someone just a little bit ago.
that didn't feel like who i wanted to be.
but truth is, i was disgusted.
i am filled to the brim with self absorbed selfish people.
filled over the brim.
have had it.
truly want to kick them all off the edge of the planet.
let them land in that ol' net at the end of the world and
hang out with each other there.
i sat and felt disgusted, disgruntled and angry.
alrighty ter, what the heck you gonna do about that?
no, i don't think it's bad to be angry and disgruntled.
feelings are feelings. and it's okay to have them.
but there's a certain energy i'm goin' for.
a certain energy i want in my life.
and this isn't it.
i don't 'need' these feelings.
i can see them, acknowledge them....and then let them go.
thing is.......how do i let them go?
didn't have a clue so i grabbed my angel card pack.
pulled a card and got this -
'your present challenge is accepting that your larger life goal
is to grow in grace and find union with all living things.'
i just about snorted when i read that.
it could not have been more perfect.
'oh, yeah,' i thought. 'oh, yeah.'
and i wanted to snort.
i mean seriously.
sounds real nice, but jeesh.
i remember the last time i wrestled with this.
it was a major wrestling match.
and what i landed in was this brief moment of seeing that it's all a
'mystery' and i really had no clue what things were leading where.
i think i need to revisit the mystery of it all.
the realization that i really don't have a clue.
i'm not exactly sure how i'm gonna find union with all living things.
but maybe i should start by not picturing kicking them all into a net that hangs
out in space........
and so i put that visual down and picked up my bud, mark nepo.
(well, his book anyway) and of course.......right there....was this....
'As I keep exploring the question, 'Where does inner courage
live?' .....-the inner effort to stand by one's core and the outer effort to
face things - keep knitting together. In a surprising yet obvious way, the two keep
informing each other. While each has its skillful means, together they point
to a living practice whereby we reestablish our place in the world. The
way that birdsong at first light helps birds to locate themselves and each other - in
essence remapping their place int he world each day - so do we locate ourselves
daily by the voicing and interplay of standing by our core and by engaging
the art of facing things.
Each time I muster the fortitude to face a truth about life, about myself, about
the messy complexity of relationships I live in, it enables me to stand more soundly
and clearly by more core. In turn, each time I inch closer to my core, my ability to
see and face things in the world deepens, strengthens and clarifies.'
so i guess this means i stop visualizing nasty things happening to the self absorbed
people that make me nuts......
grinning and off to remap myself for the morning....