Monday, October 22, 2012

a new thought for me....

this one's a little tricky.
articulating it is a challenge for me.
not sure how good i'll do.
so bend in close and concentrate.
i think this one's gonna need both of us trying.

i had moved my exercise bike outside.
it was still dark.
i wanted to watch the sun come up.
i wanted to talk to the sky.

as i pedaled and looked at the sky, i thought of her.

we'd be seeing her soon at the grand opening of her women's center.

this center is phenomenal. easily and truly one of the most magnificent places
i have ever seen. one of the most gorgeous offerings i have ever witnessed.

so i thought about her, her healing from her own childhood traumas, and her
taking that pain and using it for good.

an unexpected thing has happened with running bone sigh arts.
it's almost as if i'm sitting in the lounge of a counselor's office.
people come thru and tell me a tiny bit of their hard stories.
it's as if i'm sitting in a soft chair in the waiting room, just hanging out talking
to people who are trying to deal with their pain and their grief.

i get a tiny bit of the story, and then they move on.

watching for about ten years now, i've learned a lot.
i've watched people who have had so much incredible pain, stand up
under the weight and reach out to others. i've seen them do something
with it or start to think they want to do something with it.

i've seen people run and hide and come back and peek and try again.

and i've seen people turn inward, going beyond stifling themselves, i see
them begin a path of self destruction.

i never see the ends of this stuff......just the beginnings. or the middles.
but i feel pretty darn sure that it's the ones who reach into their pain,
and transform it by handing it back to the world in some positive way -
they're the ones who truly heal.

i've watched for a long time and i can just about feel it on certain days.

and i've been captivated with the idea that offering our stuff to the world
is what heals us. i believe in that thought.....and i like it.

but here's the tricky part. see if i can make it make sense.

while i understood 'the act of offering' was important to the healing process
of the individual, i thought that the gift to the others was what was being offered.
in this case of this woman i know, the gift is the women's center she's created.
the offering it helps HER healing process. the gift to US is the center.

ahhhhhhhh.......but as i pedaled away i thought about this.

what if the center 'didn't work?'
what if no one who walked thru there was moved or changed or helped?
(which is impossible because of all the healing that you feel just by stepping into the place.....
but let's just say.......for the sake of thinking thru something here..........what if??)

would the center be a failure?
would it all be worthless?

of course not.
no way.

there isn't a second's hesitation in that answer.

so why not? i asked myself.

and then i had a new thought..........

equally (if not more?) important than the center itself is her act of offering it.
okay, yeah, i knew that was important for her healing process........but this
was the first time i was seeing beyond that.....

and this is new to me........the act itself is important to all of us. not just her.

we, as humans, NEED to witness that act of offering.
(i'm not talking about WHAT is being offered, i'm talking about the ACT of

whether we consciously know it or not, even if we don't know we're holding that.....
we hold it. somewhere deep down when we witness it, it affects us. (this is
my newest theory anyway....)

we hold hope when we see that.
we hold hope for ourselves and hope for the world.
there is a candle that is lit that wasn't lit before.
there is light that is born.

offering may very well be a birthing of light.

AND THAT is quite possibly way more important than the actual thing being offered.

the act of offering births light.
it lights candles in our hearts.

to survive this world, we need those candles lit as often as possible.

i wanted to rant and rave about her center and her beautiful open house so i waited
to write this til after i went to her open house.

and so my sons and i drove up and hung out.

it was beyond anything i've ever seen before.
it was perfect, it was healing, it was beauty.
it was an amazing reflection of who she is.

but somehow, what mattered to me that nite, more than any of the stuff i just
said,  was the hope she lit in my heart.

and my heart's been weary lately.
my heart needed a good dose of light.

she lit up every corner of my heart that nite..........
and the really cool thing is......i don't think that goes away.
i think it just grows with other people adding their flames.

and THAT'S what i wanted to tell her.........

the center takes my breath away with everything it is.
her offering lights something inside me that needed lighting.

there are no words to thank someone for that kinda gift.
really, all i had was some tears that kept leaking out thru the evening.

and kristen, that's what i wanted you to know that nite, but
hadn't figured out yet how to say it. this one's written for you.
and then for all of us.

to take a peek at kristen's offering, you can click here.

and yes, my sons worked with her to build her website
and so much more that went into it all.
i'm proud of all of them.


Sherry said...

So much I want to say to this blog...

I'll just pick this one though for now:

I think you're right, but I also understand the human tendency to get disappointed when our offereings "fail" aka don't pan out like we wanted them to.

Have you heard of Native American Sand paintings? Basically, it's an art form that I think came from ritual, but using different colored sand to paint a picture on the ground...they can be so beautiful and amazing...but they are never meant to last, or to endure. They are creation for creation's sake.

There are a few other art forms like sculpting..pumpkin carving (like Villafane studios type.)

I always thought how therapeutic it must be to practice this kind of art...because it is basically training for letting go of things, as I see it. You work so hard at something to offer it to the world, with no expectation of endurance...because in the end, truly, no things endure. Anyway...just throwin' that out there.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ter~ You are a blessing and it is an honor to call you my friend.
Thank you SO MUCH for celebrating the creation of Turning Point with me, having you and your wonderful sons here made the evening complete.

Dan McGaffin said...

Yes. All I can say is, Yes.