Wednesday, October 24, 2012

mistake lessons

we were driving.
it was dark.
and we were talking about what i had just done.
i wasn't so sure it was a good thing.

so we talked.
and he asked me some questions about it.

and i tell ya, that ol' question asking stuff is pretty darn helpful.
instead of just saying 'ter, you screwed up. you shoulda done this.'
he asked me about it.
asked me questions that put it all in perspective and let me look at it.
i could figure out what i was doing, why i was doing it and what my goal was.
and i could do this cause there were no judgments. it was just about
looking at it and trying to figure it out.

turned out i screwed up.
but it was easy to go back and unscrew.

and so i did.

and two main things have come to me thru this whole thing...

the first one........
what he did for me with the question asking was soooo fantastic.
making space for someone to think on their own is an incredible gift.
instead of stifling and shaming and making things smaller - things open,
grow and become more. the judgments fall away. things can be looked
at objectively. it's the learning that's the goal, not the outcome.

how cool is that?!
that's big enough in itself. i could stop there.
that's a lot to sit and hold and remember to carry into the day.
but i  was reminded of even more.....

i was trying to fix something for someone when my help wasn't asked for.
i certainly wasn't creating space. i was planning on hopping in and doing
'what needed to be done.'

excuse me?
no one asked you, missy.

that's such a helpful thing for me to remember.
did anyone ask you, ter???
i gotta tell you, most times when i want to hop in and fix or just hold someone's
problems for them......they never asked me to! and when i remember to check
on that, i can remember to back off.
oh yeah. no one asked.

it's the same with giving advice. did anyone ask for your opinion?
oh no.
they didn't.
close mouth back up.

what an easy thing to do.
ask yourself if anyone asked!

just plowing in is space taking.
it's limiting and hurtful and arrogant.
okay maybe this is just part two of the first lesson above.

focusing on what the goal is in the first place, changes everything for me.
i get so muddled and emotional, i get way way sidetracked! what's the goal?
and question the goal! WHY is THAT the goal? you sure? sometimes i trick
myself and think i have a goal when it's not really. i have to be sure to truly look.

turns out this screw up of mine was really empowering for myself.
i saw myself think it thru, come up with what felt really right to me,
which was completely different than what i had started with.
and i backtracked, and fixed what i had done. and i didn't feel small or
ashamed or anything like that. i felt GOOD i saw what was goin' on.

that's rare for me. usually i gotta beat myself up a bit in the process.
tell myself how dumb i was for not getting it right the first time, blah, blah, blah.

but you know what?
i'm glad i didn't get it right the first time.
the whole process was kinda cool to look at.

oh yeah........which brings me to the last thought i want to bring into my day today......

trust the process.

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