the news

i wasn't gonna bring it here.

i wasn't gonna bring it anywhere.

i didn't know what to do with it.

the story of malala yousufzai.
i read it and felt so sad.
and then put it out of my mind.
cause it was so hard to hold.

that was the first day.

and then the next day.......
i met my girlfriends for coffee.
we were celebrating lynn's success.
and my other friend put the newspaper on the table.

she went off in one direction, talking to another woman a few feet away,
and lynn went off inside the coffee shop.

and there i sat......with the newspaper right in front of me.

and malala was on the front page.

i picked up the paper and read the article.
tears fell on the newspaper as i read.

i put the article down.
we were there to celebrate lynn.
i didn't say a word.
i wanted this to be about lynn and her big news.

but that newspaper.......that picture in the paper.....
it was right at my elbow the whole time.
and no, i never forgot that.

i was aware of it the whole time.
at one point in the conversation, tears welled up in my eyes.
but since that happens a lot, no one noticed and i pushed them down.

what the heck do we do with this stuff?
do we shut it out and harden our hearts to it?
do we pick it up and make it our cause and dive in?
do we hold it achingly in our hearts totally unsure what to do?

i'm pretty sure there will be a bone sigh born here.

i gotta say tho, it makes me want to hate.
it does.

and i think of what it would be like to try to sit and talk to these people
and talk to them about how awful this is, and i know i'd be seen as worthless
or worse and i'd be shot or worse.

it makes me want to hate.

i know that's the worst evil coming from it.
the hatred it grows.

i have no answers.
only tears and ache and confusion.

i will work hard on the not hating stuff.
that's got to be the way i honor her.
and i will hold malala so so so close in my heart......

*********

i did make a facebook cover image in her honor.
if anyone wants to use it, i have it up on the bone sigh arts cover page.