tea with the moon

it's no secret that i cry a lot.
i speak of it freely.
we joke of it often.

so i guess it's no surprise that in holding tears back
for two weeks, there will indeed be a flood.

i should know that's the law of terri's tears.

i thought i had taken care of that the other nite.
i thought a good cry and i'd be just fine.

apparently, i had forgotten how much i can cry.
i had forgotten how much i had to make up for.
i had tried to hide all that i was feeling from myself.

and well, none of that holds up real well in the law of tears.

for indeed, there was a flood.

that wouldn't stop.

it would all slow down and almost dry up and i would think i was
done when something else would start it all over again.

thank goodness i'm surrounded by men who are okay with this.
they hold me or wait patiently or joke kindly or gently give me space.
sometimes they call in reinforcements and get another brother involved.
but they're always good about it.

my guy came over and just held me and said 'you need to get it out' as i got it out all
over his very wet shoulder. there is something about that man's shoulder
that is unlike any other place in the world.

he reminded me of what i needed reminding.
and when it was time for him to go, i felt quieter, like the waters had subsided.

i turned from saying goodbye to him and reached down to pull a weed.
and i just kept going.

i went from him to the garden.

and then i gardened to the sunset.

the sky was turning pink, the air felt so fresh.
i needed to put my hands on the plants and in the earth.
and so i gardened to the sunset.

i walked to the shed to get something and kept looking up as if i was
going to walk right up into the glowing sky.

i breathed it in. soaked it in and held it.

heading back to the front garden i could feel the peace of the evening
wrapping around me.

and to my amazement, each son of mine wandered nearby doing something.
one was taking pictures, one was fooling with his car and one came over to
fill me in on his weekend.

it wasn't lost on my tear weary brain that this was a gift.
i looked at each one of them doing their thing.
and i realized it was an odd moment that found us all out there right then.
i can't remember the last time we had a moment like this.

i finished up as it got too dark to see.
'you guys want to have a cup of hot tea under the moon?'

i scooted in to make some tea..
cherry berry tea.

and there we sat.
in the grass.
in no particular spot.
just a place where we could see the moon.
in the dark.
under the moon.
laughing.
and teasing.

the fresh air made everyone feel alive.
the unusual gathering brought out the fun.
the teasing began in earnest.

one son laughed so hard it sounded like he'd laugh his lungs right outta his body.
i started laughing just watching him.
it felt good.
a one-liner caught me off guard.
i spit my tea in the grass rather than choke on it with the laughing.
this sent all the guys into their own fits of laughter.
apparently it's a sign of triumph to get me to spit out whatever's in my mouth
so i don't die laughing. there's some sort of challenge there that when met,
always receives loud rounds of appreciation.

i could smell the earth.
i could see the moon.

i looked at that moon.
and i knew what was happening right at that moment.
i knew i was living a gift that was so incredibly precious.

i closed my weary puffed up eyes and thanked the universe for this life that
is so confusing and scary and deep and full and filled with beauty.
i thanked the universe for this life that is mine.

and i drank my tea with the most amazing guys in the whole world.