Friday, December 7, 2012

what a mixture!

what a day it was!

there were such incredibly good moments filled with this whole
heap of gratitude and joy and love.

there were mellow, thoughtful moments.

there were some just downright sad moments.

there were tired moments.

and then there were the moments when i quite honestly wanted to
kick several different people in the shin.
i really did.

i mean, i had just had it with some people.
and truly, if i had to deal with them another moment,
i would just spit.

what a day.

and i watched.

and at the harder moments i sat back and thought about it.

who the heck do you want to be?

and it wasn't the spittin' shin kicking agitated gal.
(altho she did provide some nice relief inside me)
it was the one sitting in gratitude and love.
(that felt way better)


i can do that.

and each time i turned away from the things that were creating the agitation.....

and i regrouped.

i didn't just step right back into the happy stuff tho.

i stopped for a moment (or two or three) and took a little space for myself.
soaked that up.
then watched something good come thru somehow.
cause it always did.

it always always always did.

how amazing is that?!

and then i stepped back into being who i wanted to be.
cause i could believe again.
once i took the break and watched, i could believe again.

yeah, i grumbled and mumbled as i first turned away from the agitation.
i even said nasty things under my breath.
but wasn't even so much a 'setting down' of that feeling.
it was a tuning into other feelings.
and somehow a finding of my belief over and over and over again.

it helped that there was so much joy and love mixed into the whole
day. that helped a lot.

those things are on my mind now -
the turning to what you believe over and over again
and the joy and love that's mixed in everywhere..

what is it you believe in, ter?
turn back to it over and over and over again, girl.
because it matters.

hold it.
chant it.
see it.

and turn to it a million times over.

it maters.

look at the joy and love.
over and over again.

it's mixed in everywhere.
all over the darn place.

turn back to these things over and over again.
they matter.

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