Monday, February 4, 2013

a post i needed to write

it all started with the gun control craze.
around then.

i felt so broken hearted about the violence,
and also very saddened by what i saw as our lack of holding
our responsibilities to what's happening.

the gun control answers seem way too simplistic to me,
and way too 'easy' in the sense that it really doesn't feel like we're
looking at a whole buncha things we need to look at.
we'll just pass these laws and everything will be okay.
'they' will fix it.

i don't see it that way at all.
and i see 'us' as being responsible.
and i see so many strings involved.

including things like when do we start drawing lines about what
we personally allow in our lives when it comes to day to day things
in our lives that are violent, like movies.

so okay.
i stay quiet.
cause there's no way to word that without starting everyone up
on a conversation that totally misses my point and turns simplistic
all over again. no. she's not saying violent movies are the downfall
of america.

she's saying we need to look at a lot, lot, lot of things we allow
and ask ourselves why and what it will take to change and if we really
want to change.

- if we really want to change -

it's complicated.
and so i stay quiet.

this stuff bothers me. but i don't know how to speak up in a way that
makes my points so someone can hear me.

and then, of all things, that silly car show i went to started things up inside
me once again.

there on the main floor, or up on little stages,
standing there talking about the cars, were beautiful young women,
dressed in their tight, pretty outfits, complete with their stilettos.

i couldn't believe it. and yet oh i so could.

i watched them and wondered......had they thought about what was going on?
were they okay with being used as attractions to draw the men over?
they were young....they were pretty......and yeah, they definitely looked okay with it.

i sighed.
commented on the sexist stuff goin on, weathered the jokes from my guys,
and kept going.

then, that nite, i watched the halftime show of the superbowl.
well - PART of it. i quit mid-way thru.
i don't usually watch pop stuff, i wouldn't know beyonce if i bumped into her
at the grocery store, and i really only know she's big cause i know her name.
i tend to be culturally illiterate that way.

i was sitting in between my two sons watching her wiggle around in her little
outfit there, and i wondered about women all over again.

and i thought a lot about the struggle of lifting women up and women's roles
in the lifting up of women. josh told me beyonce was a mom of a girl.
i'm assuming a baby? i have no idea. and i sat there and wondered would
she really have no problem with her daughter seeing her dressed like this
in front of millions of people? i'm assuming she wouldn't. i'm assuming she's
proud. and i wondered about it. and wondered what it would be like to talk
to her about it. REALLY talk to her. does she see herself as a great role model
for girls? and why is that? why is the sexual strutting around really okay?
why are we not seeing any connections with what we're doing all around
us and what is happening all around us? sex is everywhere. and it's not a
loving sex.

i knew whatever i said just made me sound old.
and so again, i stayed quiet.
well, mostly quiet.
my sons heard my thoughts.
but just some of them.

and then this morning on facebook, i saw an article about human trafficking
and how superbowl sunday is the biggest human trafficking day we've got.
it went on to describe a horrific life of very young girls who've been
enslaved to provide 'a service' to men.

oh the men.
the men.
and sigh..... yes, women as well.....
what are these people thinking?
what are these people allowing?

what are WE allowing?

i cried when i read it.
and i thought again how there's so many strings to all this......
and i can't find a way to talk about it it without sounding like an old prude.

but somehow, after reading that article, i felt i had to at least write this.

and before i could sit down to write it, i saw a woman on fb post about
how wonderful she thought beyonce's performance was. and apparently,
that's the consensus.

i thought again of staying quiet.
and then i thought again of responsibility.
and i thought at the very least, i need to write this.

it's not because i'm old.
it's not because i'm some righteous moral prude.

maybe it's because the older i get, and the more sexually violent stories
i hear thru bone sigh customers, the more i see what we're creating and allowing.
which somehow all ties right back into gun control for me. way down deep
it feels the same to me.

life is complicated.
sex and violence are complicated things.
raising responsible adults is a complicated thing.
what we allow in our lives, what we make room for,
takes space. it takes space from other things that could be in our lives....

i'm feeling more and more frustrated by our lack of understanding that
we are creating the times we are living in. and we can't just pass a law
and make it all okay.
it's up to our own individual actions, thoughts, and choices.

interestingly enough.....the quote of the day, which is randomly generated,
was this one today -

believing that every thought counts, every word matters, and every action is power - she chose to fill them with gentleness and love.

that may seem trite and simplistic when i think of all the enslaved girls and women...
or when i think of the crazed violence everywhere...
or even when i just think of the entertainment industry, or the auto industry...
the marketing industry...

but then feels very right.
and very important.
every single action we make matters.
every single choice.
everything we make space for in our lives.....

we're creating the world we live in.
and i'm not sure we're holding that.


Miche said...

Thank you for posting this.

Crowing Crone Joss said...

A dear Terri, you have such a beautiful heart. And what you say here is so heartfelt and needs to be said. We are creating the world we live in and oh, that we could speak of these issues with gentleness and kindness instead of all the rhetoric and loud words that get thrown about. As far as we have come, so much of our world, men and women, still see women as sex objects, still accept the portraying of women as sex objects, as objects.
We've come a long way but have such a long, long way to go to get home where each is valued and honoured.

Anonymous said...

I hear you.
It's not easy to stand with our choices.
After 20 years without TV,
and quietly telling people NO,
to the sexy cloths they bought my daughter,
to the music that is full of swearing and violence and sexual over tones, saying NO to the movies that are about "romance,( rolls eyes)with gun blazing..."
I have learned that is COMPLETELY about choice.
And I can not make Their choices for them, What do you say when they complain that their 15 year old has STD?
I hear you...
because you always speak in such a loving voice...

Sherry said...

I thank you too for this. I don't think about it much, it's so ingrained in our society, and I don't have children so I'm not forced to think of it that way. I'm not even sure how I feel about the whole's a very confusing topic. I feel like somewhere along the way women claimed a certain degree of power back by embracing this kind of image and owning it. But I think your points are hardcore truths that we as a society really do need to look at. Definitely myself as an individual. There's a fine line I believe, and what's worse is I think a huge part of the problem is that the line means different things depending on which side of it you're standing on.