it claimed me back...

there is definitely something to be said for no expectations!

altho, that's really not true...i had SOME.
i expected to have fun.
but the thing was....i expected me to make the fun.
i wasn't looking for others to provide the fun.
think that was part of the reason it all went so well.

planning little work, lotsa goofin' and love spreadin',
and some family time, i just wanted to share some love.
i wanted to keep love in the front of my head all day.
that was my goal and i wanted to goof around -
'after all, it IS a holiday' i kept saying.

i had put it out early to my family what it was i wanted to do -
spend some time with them. make some dinner together, hang out,
laugh. were they in for that? i also wanted to take the guys out
to lunch....splurge a little and go to a place they had never been.
did they have time?

i was concentratin' on lovin' the people in my life.

the guys surprised me with balloons and a sign they painted and hung
up for me the nite before. i walked in to my kitchen, completely
captivated with the sign they had there waiting for me.

i was so captivated, i didn't even notice the balloons at first!
and they were dangling all over the kitchen!
it was hard to miss them!
i laughed when i saw them and realized i had missed them
because of staring at the sign!

what a total delight!
i dragged balloons with me wherever i went.
(even to the bathroom!)
and when i woke up on valentine's morning, the string
hanging down from the balloon on the ceiling was the
first thing i saw!

my guy had given me roses and a card a few days earlier.
i had laughed. his memory isn't always so good, so i figured he
was covering himself this year for sure! we'd been thru all
the snags valentine's day can lead to, and we were both
learning a lot!

all the guys had covered themselves BEFORE valentine's day,
so i figured we were all set there. it was my turn. (this whole
celebrating love month works well for this pre-valentine stuff
and prolly helps them out a bit!!)

in the morning, i pulled out the goodies i had gotten for the guys,
all wrapped in red and pink. i grinned. not too manly.
but oh so bright!
i spread them out on the kitchen table all pretty, added
some chocolates, and smiled.

thinking it was my turn to treat them, i was totally surprised when
each son had a home made card for me. ohmygosh.
home made cards from these giant guys of mine.
you just don't get any better than that.
zakk's made me throw back my head and laugh.
talk about treasures.

lunch time could not have been more fun.
we hit the place at just the right time where it wasn't crowded and
we got a good chance to joke around with the people working there.
it was so fun watching them get a real big flame on the grill so josh
could take a video of it! i sat there and grinned at all the guys lighting
up the flames real high. does the boy inside guys ever grow up?
i think not. they're always up for burning something! and how amazing
it is to watch!

we laughed with the people around us, and talked at the table so
relaxed and comfortable. none of us was in a hurry.
for us, and our schedules, that's a real treat. one brother spilled
water on another. an accident, but one to be made the most of.

headin' back to a little bit of work before more goofing off, i was in such
a good mood. i sent ecards and love notes and got ecards and love notes back.
i figured my work for the day was to spread love! and i was totally enjoying it.
i deliberately put no pressures on myself. and it felt so good.

i finished earlier than anyone else, and put on some music that sang of love.
i danced around the kitchen pulling out the ingredients to make some
'healthy' truffles. as i rolled each one in cocoa, i thought of all my guys. each one
came to mind, and i held them in my mind and what i loved about them.
i felt so darn blessed to have them in my life. i danced, i made truffles, i
held each guy of mine and i held gratitude.

the truffles were truly filled with love.

when my guy walked in, i was totally surprised to see him with a giant
teddy bear....one i could totally cuddle and hug. and yet another card.
this one even sweeter than the last.

ohmygosh.

i hugged the bear.
then him.
then the bear.
then him.
then the bear.
then him.

then i dragged him over to where his presents were.
the first was a bottle of 'caveman bob's barbecue sauce.'
i mean, really.
how could i not???
he's totally my neanderthal.

and then i handed him the other...
'this is for you!' i exclaimed as i handed him a box
with a red ribbon.

as he was untying the ribbon i said 'just a little warning for
you....i made it!'

he stopped and looked worried.
i mean, really.
it coulda been anything.
and he knew he could ruin the day right there.
what was he gonna say to whatever thing i had made??
the pressure was on.

i laughed.
told him no pressure. it really wasn't scary.

and then he opened it.
and i so wish i had a picture of his face.
it was like his gears just jammed.
he just didn't know what to do with the sock puppets
i had made for him!

sock puppets???

i clapped and laughed and slipped one on my hand
and started talking to him in a goofy voice, assuring him
that i had washed the socks before i created the puppets.

oh i wish i had a video!
the man doesn't know what to do sometimes!
he just had this kinda confused stare as he looked
at the puppet talking to him!

we have come so far. our valentine's day has quite a history.
and not an easy one. and here we were, together, with not
a lot mattering besides the fact that we loved each other.

wow, did that feel good.

what a day it was!
we decided on a quick game of trouble - the pop-o-matic game!
remember that?
this is a joke in my house as no one ever wants to play this dumb game.
but i always make them play, and then i scream and carry on and
say pop-o-matic as much as i can! over and over.

i like to think i'm delightfully obnoxious.
they prolly don't think it's so delightful.
and yes, they go along with this and indulge me.

we had an exciting game of trouble - with a lotta piece tossing,
and blood shed. yes, this is the way you play these games with
these guys!

then we all cooked dinner, teased a lot, and snuggled in to
watch a columbo.

it truly had to be one of the best valentine's days ever.
and i really really think a ton of the reason was i wasn't looking
for anything. just to love those in my life.

and my gosh, did i ever feel loved back.
i think the no expectations freed something up.
and made room for a whole lotta fun.

it was SUCH a delight!

josh came thru after work with goodies and smiles.
and told me most sincerely that i have taught him the
fun of that day. he's single, lives on his own, i'm sure he
woulda loved to have had someone special to share the day with.
but there he was telling me the day was great fun, and
thanking me for teaching him that.

noah turned to me at one point and said,
'mom, you work so hard at love, this is your day!'

it felt totally like my day!
totally.
i claimed it.
and somehow, it claimed me back.

i know how blessed i am.
i know not every valentine's day will be like this one.
i know things change, and some of those changes will be things
i don't want to change.

i know there will be sad valentine's days.
i remember a few.

i hope that i can hold ones like this, and all i've learned to get here
and have this - in my heart so that i can always remember to make
space for the good things, and to spread the love with all i can.

this day of love teaches me a lot.
and reminds me how important it is to let those we care about know.

now.....to carry a little bit of that right back into this day! and the other days.
and on and on we go!