it's a swirl of things.
just a whole big swirl.
maybe a lot of it started with the feeling of some friends not seeing me.
then there's the passive aggressive stuff jabbed here and there.
i made a conscious decision to step away from the passive aggressive.
what's it doin' here?
why is it here?
and then maybe all that made me start looking at me closer.
and then maybe in that closer look at me,
i started wondering and pondering.
art feels different to me.
like i'm lost and can't quite find me.
my reactions to things feel different.
like i don't always belong in the spaces i'm in.
i'm not in a panic.
it's different than that.
it's just a 'wow......something's goin' on.'
and yet, there's a real desire to have it resolved.
and so i grabbed the sock puppets i had made him.
and the sock puppets and i ended up having a therapy session.
they're one heck of a tool for me!
we ended up having a great conversation.
with the bottom line kinda being to just go with the flow, watch
the wisdom of the sock puppets.
i tried to tell him about it over dinner last nite.
i heard myself.
i was making no sense.
other than communicating that there's a whole big swirl inside of me.
i wondered about it.
when would i be able to make sense when talking about this?
when would i understand what's goin' on with me?
as i drove in the dark with the moon this morning,
i thought about the different stages of life.
i remember reading to the kids a book called 'walk when the moon
is full.' i remember the days we all gathered around books for
bedtime stories.....i smiled at the memories. i smiled at the moon.
i thought of all the different stages of life.......there's so many.
i know i'm entering a different one.
i knew that part.
i knew things would be different this year and there would be changes.
but i'm not sure i realized that the changes would be INSIDE me as well
as outside me.
i don't know what's happening.
and yet, i know something is stirring.
there's some frustration in not being able to direct it all at will,
and yet, there's some definite excitement in that as well.
and i think of the sock puppets and what them with the big button eyes
told me....go with the flow, watch and trust.
and so i'll try....