visiting sue

i finally got to see her.
it felt like it had been forever.

and i couldn't touch her.

that was the deal.
i could visit.
but not too close, and don't touch her.

wow, i never realized how hard that would be.
imagine sitting there with someone you love and they're
telling you about their rock bottom moment, and they're
crying and you're crying and you can't reach out and touch them.

wow.

but i saw her, you guys.
i visited with sue.
the woman you've been sending the light/love/stars/prayers/vibes to.

and while i've loved sue for years and years and years -
i don't think i ever felt the love for her as deeply as i did with this visit.
or maybe it was just with a different slant of reverence if that makes
any sense......

i was overwhelmed with her beauty and her grace and her humanness.

she described her rock bottom moment to me -
her moment where she just couldn't deal with it any more,
her moment where she felt she had no control and no dignity anymore.

she described this moment thru tears to me.

and thru my own tears i saw nothing but beauty.
and dignity.
and even control....

because what she chose to focus on in telling me the story of
how it was so hard...how she had hit bottom......was that mixed into
all that awfulness was 'the holy.'

she found the holy.
her words, not mine.
but i woulda picked those same words if she hadn't.

tears rolled down my cheeks with that one.

i asked her about it.
and she described to me the angel of a nurse that helped her.
how it had to be that nurse. that was the nurse who could understand
and comfort and help her in a way the others couldn't. and there she was.
like an angel with divine guidance, she was there.

and that's what sue was telling me about.

she has more control than she realizes, i thought.
because you see, she didn't have to focus on that angel that helped her.
she could have been lost in the injustice of having to deal with the hardship
in the first place, she could have focused on the bitter, the angry, the stuff
that will box her in and imprison her.

but she didn't.

as a matter of fact, she didn't stop with that one story, she told me more.
and i watched and listened and saw a woman who was really living.
in the fullest sense.

while i know it's way easy for me to type as i sit here healthy,
i honestly believe you do not have to be healthy to experience being alive.
she just showed me more life, more real humanness than so many people
i know who are healthy and 'just fine.'

you know that phrase 'broken open'? i've seen that mentioned with different
things people go thru in life, including cancer - that sometimes we're just broken
right on open and the light just shines right out of us and into us and that kinda thing.

that's what i felt like sitting there......that something in sue had been broken wide open,
and the light that was coming out was so darn gorgeous. and i felt like just sitting there
with her, i was learning about living, about being real, and about being alive.

there were definitely stars inside sue, you guys. and they were tumbling out all over
the room.....

keep up the visualizing, the praying, the sending of light........she needs them.
she still needs them. and she'll definitely put them to good use.