a really really good day

ah, it couldn't have been more perfect.
it just couldn't have.

the weather was singing right along with my heart.
my guys spent the whole day with me,
we crammed into the car together -
one of my favorite things to do with them.
we visited friends who are like family to me,
we ran an errand that i didn't want to do - making it fun and so pleasant.
we laughed, we talked, we listened to all kindsa music
and we played games. they handled the food all day,
complete with them making dinner that nite.
there was a home made card from each of 'em,
a present, even flowers.

i mean, honestly, they covered everything with the best of moods.

and as i headed towards the shower last nite,
i told them how much i appreciated them.
and they told me they appreciated me.

i paused.

i realized that was exactly what the day was.
it was one huge, huge, bright 'we appreciate you' message.

i teared up.

i mean, i knew that of course.
it was a day of love.
you'd have to be blind a thousand times over not to get that.

but when i put it into words, it brought the tears to my eyes.

it's been a good long time now of trying to figure out that i matter.
in trying to find my self-worth.
of looking at that stuff that i hadn't had, of messages that told me different.
and of trying to rewrite the lessons i learned from those messages.

and i realized how solidly my life now said what i had been workin' so hard at believing.
i realized the love and respect between myself and my sons, and myself and my partner.
and i felt how much they appreciated me and i appreciated them.

how much we all mattered.
how the messages weren't the same as so many messages i had gotten in the past.
how the present was so different.

how i had found what i had been looking for.
and how it had grown so beautiful.
shining right there in my son's eyes.

you just can't get a better gift than that.
right there. right smack there on mother's day.

and yeah, i cried with gratitude.