the line that grabbed me

i've had more than my share of goodness dancing with me this month.
have had tons and tons of love and happiness.
even the weather is dancing with me these days.

so it just didn't seem right to get discouraged.
it just seemed wrong.

but i couldn't stop it.
it climbed all over me.
the money stuff.
the darn finances.
jeesh.

it does that from time to time.
climbs all over me.
and inside me.

and there it was.

and i didn't know how to shake it.

'maybe it's okay to let it be there for a bit,' i thought.

sure doesn't feel good tho.

i tried to let it be there.
i tried to ignore it.
i tried to stuff it down.
then i tried to let it be there again.

and then later, as i was driving, i heard this -
'i lost my boundaries'

it was a line lily said in 'the secret life of bees' when she went out to the orchard
and lay down on the earth under the night sky. she lost her boundaries between
her and the earth and the sky and became mixed with it all.

oh wow.

wow.

it just grabbed me.

i'm always about ten years behind on everything.
how long has that book been out?
i've never read it, if it's a movie, i haven't seen the movie.
and here i am listening to it on audio thinking it's one of the most amazing
things i've ever heard in my life.

wow. it's just so darn good.
yeah. i know. that's what they've been saying for a lotta years now!

the other nite, i had to turn it off at a red light and just stop and soak in
what i heard and sit there and say 'oh wow' til the light changed.
i was so taken with the writing and with what was being said.

when.i heard the 'i lost my boundaries' line, my ears perked up.
it sounds like a bad thing at first.......and then i heard the rest - about
becoming part of it all....and i so smiled.

later, i realized......that's my problem when the money stuff hits.
all i have are boundaries.
that's all i have.
they go wild. they're all over the place.
blocking out the love and the goodness and the trust and the knowing.

i knew i couldn't just lose the boundaries in an hour.
i knew that.
well, i mean, i guess you could. but i knew i wouldn't.
but i did know i could drop a whole lot of them in a nite.
and i would do that.

and then i'd make being aware of the boundaries top priority for me today.
and maybe just maybe i could lose them again.
shouldn't be that hard as there's so much other stuff to focus on.

i'm headin' out to the garden - to a place i can lose my boundaries.
and find my trust again.