Friday, May 3, 2013

transition rumblings.......

i was workin' away while they were out with a realtor.
had work to do and knew i'd be going out with them later to look at more places.

so was it because i was just naturally tired from work?
maybe because it was after eating a quick lunch while i worked?
or maybe it was fatigue because of what the job was - house hunting for them?
i was quiet and tired.

this wouldn't do, they declared - and stopped to get us all some coffee.

no! it's too late! i protested.
but i was over-ruled and coffee was forcefully handed to me.

it worked.
i perked up.
zakk and i got loud and teased a lot.

and we hunted and looked and got excited about things.
there was some funky fun things we found.
there will be looking more closely and more looking all around.

but it's happening.

and one of these days soon they'll find it.

the ones we were looking at this time were an hour away.
seemed like the end of the world to me.
and just for clarification - it seemed like the end of the world to me
BEFORE i even thought of them living there.
now it really did.

it was fun tho. and a lot of things. and i was glad to be with them searching.

after we got home, i went back to work.
quietly filling an order i was lost in thought.
it will be so different with them gone.
and if they land an hour will be way different.

every part of me knew it was right and good.
every single part of me.
so i couldn't even argue the point.
that felt good to realize that.

at the same time, a big part of me was sad.
and a little voice deep inside was excited.
and a whole lot of me is just hangin' on for the ride.

i listened to them workin' out in the yard as i worked in my studio.
i looked out the window and saw my really really big boys.
i can still see the kid in them.
and yes, i see the men as well.
i teared up.

hangin' on for the ride -
i like that.
that's what i'm doin'.
and sometimes the coolest part of that is just knowing that you have
no idea how it's gonna be, but you know you want it, so you hang on,
let the wind whip thru your hair, and you scream a bit here and there.......


Diane Stefan said...

It's big and two at once is huge and like everything it seems, this has its happy and hard, good and difficult sides. . .but the best part is you saw that it was good and right - you'll be fine and happy and yes a little sad and all that is normal, or at least close to whatever normal is. Let that wind rip and scream when you want to. . .it's good and right. Been there, survived that, loving my kids no matter how far away they are. . . Know you will/do too.

Anonymous said...

I get to see my son for the first time in a year.
A year.
2 states away is a lot of wind and screaming....
and I am going to hug him and hold on so tight they are going to need a crow bar to get me to let go.
and that miss rose, is leaning in and just loving
because you are so so right, we are just along for the ride.