a start

it was one of those days where almost every conversation i was in
seemed to involve big life things for the people i was talking with.

there wasn't a trivial thing to be found.

and in one of those conversations, a friend said she was grieving
for the loss of the way she thought stuff in her life would turn out.

i thought of all the different conversations i had been part of,
i thought of my own thoughts, my own struggles....if asked, i'm sure
all of us would have nodded and understood just exactly what she meant.

and this whole topic keeps rollin' around in my head in one way or
another for me.

i feel like i've landed in another part of my journey.
so many years ago i had worked so hard on seeing me -
really trying to see me clearly.
gosh, i don't know how far i got....and i know i have a long way to go yet...
but that feeling i had in the beginning....that just knowing that there was so
much it was time to open my eyes to and see....that feeling is back just as strong
only this time it's about seeing life. really seeing life and seeing it for what it is,
not for what i had thought it would be. not for what i assume it should be.

the feeling's there.
the ability to do it is not.
all i know to do at this point is to sit back and watch as much as i can.

and this....this seems vital.....and my gosh......sooooo hard -
to stop assuming.
sigh.
you can't see if you're busy assuming, can you?
that's not just assuming about people.
it's assuming about life.

life continues to surprise me over and over and over again.
and any time i think i have something down,
i get surprised again.
sometimes pleasantly, sometimes not.

this is big on my mind as i look out at the world these days.
and the feeling is so strong -
i want to see life for what it is.
not for what i want it to be.

and then i want to do more than see.
i want to accept.
and i want to roll right along with it.

yeah. well. i have a ways to go.
at least it's way on my mind.
that's a start.