the stress releasing chair.....

we all trooped up to see my mom yesterday.
we took two vehicles as the guys were going to pick up a patio table
from her and needed to take their truck. noah and josh rode in the truck,
zakk and i followed them as you never quite know if the truck will make it or not -
and there isn't room for all of us in the truck.

it turned out to be such fun travelin' up.
the day was incredibly beautiful, we had the music blarin' and we were just enjoyin'
the drive. i like hangin' with zakk. we got in a little business meeting as we went along,
which is always a bonus. but even that was easy going and inspiring.

by the time we arrived, i had left a lotta stress behind me and was laughin' and enjoyin'.

it was like christmas up at my mom's. she had things for everyone, and was beyond generous.
just the table itself was a huge gift to the guys....but there were the chairs that went with it,
the cushions, and well.......just tons for everyone.

she is a super generous person, and we were feeling it big time.
the guys put her new table and chairs together, set them up, and we all sat around on'
her beautiful patio and had pizza together. josh kept us all laughing.

a nice outing indeed.

when we walked into the house (after the grand unloading) we all went straight to work.
it's kinda nice living with a buncha people who have the same deal....we all knew that a
morning off meant time to dig in extra hard. and so we did.

but after a few hours, i needed some time to sit and think.
and it was a beautiful evening. i went outside to the guys' new table.
sitting on these big ol' cushioned chairs with my feet on the table, i just sat back and
tried to hold life. (i think these were the most comfortable outside chairs i've ever sat in!)

visiting where you grew up is always good food for thought about how time flies, how
many different lives happen inside one life, where we go, where we've been, what we've learned,
who we are.

if i could name one thing i'm wrestling with right now, i would say it's that i'm too hard on
myself. it's not really clear to me how i do it....it's not specifically things i say to myself,
or things i do to myself....but i think it is prolly mostly in things i feel about myself. beliefs
i hold about myself.

as i sat on that glorious chair with my feet up on that glorious table, i remembered the girl
growing up in that house i was in that day. i remembered all the things that had passed,
all the life i had lived....and i pictured myself as i went thru it all......

and gradually i released.
i just sat with it all.
just watching. not judging.
just watching.
and before too long i could feel the gratitude.
just the gratitude for being here and for where i had been.
i could feel the stress slowly leaving....closing my eyes, i just let the stress slip on out.

i'm here.
now.
on a gorgeously soft chair.

and that is enough.
i stayed in that chair for a good long time.

my goal for today is to remember that.

i am enough..
today is enough.

and if i find myself forgetting, i may just have to go sit on one of those chairs again....