the world of opposites

i got on the treadmill this morning with stuff i knew i needed to look at.
i had put it off a little while and figured it was time to go eyeball it.
in the process, there were something like fifty million thoughts floating
around me, thru me, in me.

sometimes when there's so many of them, it's hard to grab any kinda order or theme.
it took me awhile - but i realized something that was flowing thru it all was
something i had included in a bone sigh i had written recently.

i had written out how it was i wanted to live
and one of the lines says - 'to learn to allow without giving up.'

for me, that's one heck of a line.

years ago, when i wrote this line - 'strength lies in the opening of the heart.'
i knew that was one of those lines you could go right by and never even
stop to think about. and i also knew it was one of the hardest things ever
to try to do, and if you stopped and held it and decided you wanted it,
it'd change you.

i feel the very same way about this line i just wrote.

to learn to allow without giving up.

that thought along with the idea of trying to hold the yin yang of living were
what surfaced from all the millions of thoughts i was having.

the yin yang of living........i don't know if it's obvious what i mean or if you
need to be in my head to understand.
it's where the opposites exist all at once all the time.
something like - life is short/life is long.
you're completely alone and on your own/you're connected to the all, part of the all.
that kinda thing.

maybe understanding the yin yang in things helps you to allow without giving up.
i'm thinking they might totally go together. i'm thinking this is a huge huge thought.
and i'm thinking my guy tried to explain this to me the other day. he knew.
i do believe it's just sinking in for me.

there are a million things runnin' thru my head right now.
and i'm thinking it all may just boil down to seeing....and understanding that
the yin/yang runs thru all life........

if i can really see it, know it, understand it......
i can release the tight grip i sometimes have on trying to make life fit
the way i think it 'should.'
and maybe then i can begin to allow.

i love this idea.
i hate this idea.

life is hard.
life is easy.

crying.
laughing.