Wednesday, June 26, 2013

trust in what?

i heard a friend tell another friend the other day to trust.

i sat there curious as to what she meant.
what exactly was she saying to trust in?

i love the word trust.
i use it all the time.
i remind myself over and over to trust.

but you know what?
i'm not sure how often i stop myself and ask myself just exactly WHAT is it i'm trusting.

and i'm thinking i absolutely should.
how can you trust if it's just some vague thought you've been telling yourself for years?
how can you really do it??

and it's changed for me over the years.

i used to be a believe in 'everything happens for a reason.'
well that totally puts a particular spin on trust.
and one you can work with.
but my beliefs have changed....and i don't believe in that theory anymore.
so my trust must change, right?

so what's it change to?
trust in what?

that everything will work out okay?

well......that kinda depends on what you mean by 'okay', doesn't it?

no. i don't really go along with that either.
i mean....unless 'okay' includes really tragic endings.

there's a whole list of things that come to mind to trust in.
and a whole list of things i used to trust.
but i don't so much anymore.

so where does that leave me?

i think it still leaves me okay.
maybe better than okay.
cause if you're gonna trust......REALLY REALLY trust....
then you gotta really believe in whatever that is that you've chosen to trust.

as we change and grow, so do our beliefs and things we can really hold on to.

i've had my moments where i wasn't sure if there was anything i could believe in.
but i've always found things.

my heart.
a flow in the universe.
love that is bigger than anything we can imagine.

and maybe of all things -
the fact that i don't understand much of anything.

kinda funny that total confusion and lack of understanding is something i can trust
and hold on to.

cause i do believe that when it's really overwhelming and scary,
trusting that i don't understand it all is a good thing.

i think from here on in, when i tell myself to trust,
i'm gonna follow it with 'trust in what?'
to make sure i know what the heck i'm putting my trust in.


Sherry said...

Its funny (though I should expect it by now... and I guess I kinda do) but I came to read this blog just as I was pondering another crisis of the heart I'm having. .. telling myself to look at the situation from a different point of view. .. from a curiosity standpoint. Somehow that allowed me to detach from the fear for just a moment. And i think what I'm trusting in there, in that moment is that I will be ok...that my story will not end there, that until the end of my life there will be more chances. .. for love, for happiness, joy success. Trusting that this emotional crisis will not destroy me. And maybe even at the end of my days here, maybe even then I will not be destroyed.

terri st. cloud said...

way to go, sherry. way to go. i know those darn crisis of the hearts can make us feel pretty darn lost....but i think what you grabbed to trust will really help! and just so you know...sometimes i wish it was darn easier....