ah yep....leave it to me to start thinking about independence day in an
kinda way....what can i say?
i don't think
i ever have before.
but! this is a
really big year for me to become independent.
been 'on my own' for years and years and years,
i've had my
sons as a team right here with me...
changing and the whole independent thing is big on my mind.
hard to learn what i have to so i'm not constantly asking for
i find it
frustrating and humbling.
neighbor needed some windshield wiper fluid in her car.
the only car thing i can do on my own...so i went down
to do that for
her, joked about bein' her mechanic, felt proud of myself
that i could
actually get her hood open, filled the fluid, and then sat and
visited a bit.
losing her independence and knows it.
over her head very heavily.
been incredibly independent and very proud of that.
it's been part of her identity. and it's fading away.
my sons are
getting ready to fly the coop and go grab their independence.
chomping at the bit now that they can see it happening.
i watch the glow inside them as they make plans for their new life.
everywhere....this independence stuff.
watching it, thinking a lot about it and taking in just how
it is at all
stages of the game.
i know it's a
day to be all patriotic.
i'm glad i live in this country, altho there's so many things
i'm not proud of.
so it's mixed. very very mixed.
there will be
some patriotic gratitude in me as i watch the big ol' explosions
in the sky
tonite....i do know how lucky my life has been just because i've
been born american. but i gotta say, mostly there's gonna be some inner
i have a habit
of thinking of people as i watch the fireworks. certain patterns
me of different people. it's always fun to see who will show up.
this year i'm
thinking mixed into all that will be the thoughts of those i know
with their own independence issues. i have a feeling they'll be
up in the sky
for me tonite.
i'm using tonite's fireworks as my own quiet personal celebration.
i've come to quite a time in my life. and part of me understands just how totally
awesome cool it is to step up and grab it. so to honor that thinking, i'm claimin'
those bursts in the sky as mine tonite.
it truly feels like my independence day today.
which is totally awesome cool.