one of those full stretches...

sometimes life is so incredibly full, i just swirl with it all inside of me.

as i type this, i am sitting at my kitchen table looking out the window at the most
gorgeous evening. my yard, for me, is just absolutely beautiful. i guess cause it's mine.
the weather is completely unlike maryland in august - it's perfect. cool, breezy and luscious.
it's the gift of a precious evening wrapped as beautiful as it gets.

the last few days have been full of living.
intense.
quiet.
loving.
ugly.
sorrowful.
joyful.
caring.
gentle.
twisted.
warped.
honest.
giving.

there have been moments where i've seen stuff that makes me want to vomit.
there have been moments where i've seen stuff that makes me want to bow down
to the beauty of the universe.

and as i sit and look out my window i reflect on it all.

the moments that have run thru it all with real love and caring are standing out for me.

which feels good as the ugliness had taken over my thoughts for a bit there.

why can i now feel the goodness more than the ugliness?
i think because my life is so filled with love.
and i dived into it, surrounded myself with the key players of that love,
and stayed near their energy.
i deliberately soaked it up.

and i know how lucky i am to have this in my life.
and i know that i have also demanded it in my life.
demanded it?
yeah....demanded it.

i think sometimes we have got to demand what is most important to us.
but i don't mean demand it from other people.
i mean demand it from ourselves.

which means we have to choose it when it's so hard to choose,
we have to refrain from turning in the other direction when that feels easy
and soothing....
we have to work hard to make our lives what we want.
we have to know we're worthy of a life of healthiness and love -
and we have to act like it.
there's so many little choices that create what we're sitting in.

and it's moments like this that i know that every bit of work is worth it.
and i need to keep it up.
because it's way way worth it.
and it changes everything.
it opens the gift that's all around us.