nice and full

i'm not exactly sure how it happens,
but weekends around here at times can just hold so many of the
different aspects of life - they are packed full with such a range,
that sometimes it takes my breath away when i look at it.

and as always, a couple things stand out for me -

there was the witnessing of some really sad stuff.
but - perhaps because it's not mine, but someone else's -
i could step back a bit. i'm close enough to get swept into it all,
but i'm learning and sometimes can resist the current and stay
in my own stream.

what happened for me was i could step back enough to see
that the interactions that took place had to take place. they are
part of the journey. i understood it, and recognized it.
i could see that the person choosing a certain reality, had to do
what he did to keep that reality going. even tho, he wasn't
aware of it all. if he was going to travel down the road he chose,
then he'd have to do a little adjusting around him. maybe he
consciously didn't think this. but something inside him understood that,
and created the opportunity for him to adjust his surroundings
by closing the doors on people in his life.

the timing of this all was no coincidence.
i could see it, understand why it was happening, and watch.

and i was fascinated.

so along with the sad, and tragic, i found fascination in how we
create our realities in ways we're not even aware of.

i think he's extreme, but i know we all have to do it in some form.
certainly not as extreme....but maybe then it's even harder to see,
and then maybe we have to pay closer attention.
and that stands out for me.

what do i do with it?
i use it as a reminder that i'm choosing my reality in thousands of different ways,
and that being as aware as possible is something to keep working on always.

the other things that stand out are happenings in closets.

as i was inside one closet painting, there was plenty of noise all around.
the fans were blowing, music was playing, hammers were hammering and people
were thudding around. i heard zakk come up to noah and say 'there's a lot of
humidity in this house!  and i heard noah who didn't quite catch it squint up at
zakk - yeah, i could really hear that happen - and i heard him say 'there's a lot
of HUMANITY in the house????' trying to figure out what zakk meant. and i
burst out laughing in the closet.

it was just one of those moments, ya know? and i love it when words are
heard wrong and other things come out. cause there WAS a lot of humanity
in the house! and i laughed and laughed as i stood in their coat closet covered in paint.
and it felt so good to be tickled and just laugh. i could feel the delight fill the closet,
and i let it bounce off the walls all around me.

and then, as i painted another closet, and listened to all the men talking about things
about the house in the other room....i was filled with gratitude for them.
for the incredible network of competence and care.

how'd it all happen??? i wondered.
my sons own homes,
and this whole family of really cool people are workin' together to support and encourage.
i painted and let those thoughts bounce around the walls around me.

the closets were awesome places to be this weekend.....

i worked on seeing some of my own personal issues that were getting in my way
in yet another closet. and had a good ol' talking to myself.

shoot, maybe i ought to clear out my closet over here and just go stand in it
every once in awhile!

it was a full weekend. one that i'm tuckin' into my pocket as i turn to the week.