makin' progress

well, there is something to this practice stuff.
cause i remember the days when i ALWAYS just reacted when something
happened that made me feel 'bad' in some way.
and i never noticed i was reacting.

i was so caught up in the moments, that i never bothered to watch what was
 really going on with me.

it was always about what seemed to be happening.
the surface event.

but you know what?
i think that's changed!

let's be clear tho, i don't think we can count moments where i'm feeling major threatened,
i'm not that good yet, and i'm thinking i won't ever make it that far -

but minor things?
or things that just feel lousy?
or things that get under my skin?
i think i have that down!

it's becoming NATURAL to look!
to look and say 'hmmmmmm that's quite a reaction...what do you spose is really going on??'

and then to dig a bit inside and see if i can find it.

happened twice in a row to me.
different happenings.
different feelings.

and each time i watched.
and each time i caught it wasn't about the surface happening.
and i caught that right away.

so.
now i sit and think i'm hitting the hard stuff - now that i know to look,
i have to figure out the underneath stuff and deal with it.
and i get discouraged with that thought.
UNTIL i remember how i never thought i could make it natural to notice
the things i'm noticing.

and then i nod.
i'm making progress.
and think i just keep goin'.
deeper and deeper still.