a little party for myself....

figurin' i would be pretty much on my own for halloween,
i decided i was gonna throw myself a party!
yeah.
a party for me.

i've never done that before.

i've taken quiet time for me.
or luxurious time for me.
but never a party for me.

just me.
like me, myself.
like, no one else would be there.

there would be punch!
would have to have punch!
and with that thought, i was off and running......

i woke up excited to prepare for the festivities.
i cooked and made food i'd really like.
halloween themed that felt just right.
since it was just me, i didn't care if things came out a
certain way - it was really whatever worked. which made it
so much more fun!

i downloaded a halloween songs album and turned it up loud.
i got a cheap one cause it was just me and i wouldn't mind.
i danced to the crazy songs and found a new favorite among them.

i ran to the grocery store cause i needed something for me.

not for someone else.
but for me. for something i wanted for my own party with my own self.

this was all new.
i had never gone thru this much trouble for myself.

and i was loving it.

dancing and singing and having a ball preparing.

i had told the guys in my life about it and said they weren't invited,
but they could crash if they wanted to.

i didn't want any of them to feel obligated. i wanted them to do their thing.
in all sincerity.
and i was honestly way cool if it was just me for the whole nite.

as it turned out, they all straggled in as the nite went on....
and it was wonderful to have each and every one of them show up in their own way.
that was nice.
but i'm  pretty sure i woulda been happy either way.

that was the best part for me-
i was okay with whatever happened.
and i was experiencing joy with myself.
the food, the music, the punch, the decorations, the crazy penguin hat i had on all nite -
it all delighted me!

i don't think i ever woulda thought i'd go thru this much trouble for myself.
nah, i'd say. i'll just watch a movie or something.....
and yeah, i think i needed to be alone in the house to just abandon myself to it.
to just dive fully in. and diving in like that just was such a joyful thing for me.
it was letting go and doing anything that made me happy.

i tell ya what.....treating yourself like your own best friend -
well there's just something kinda totally awesome in that.

and i am just beginning to even glimpse this.
what a fun journey of learning this will be!